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Song Parodies -> "My Fave Risque' Things"

Original Song Title:

"My Favorite Things"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:

"My Fave Risque' Things"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Os lyrics here, courtesy of the United States Government's National Institute of Health. However, the last time this source was used for OS lyrics, the author got thoroughly trashed for not writing enough verses. Apparently, the Government's version wasn't complete -- who'd ever think that the U. S. Government was unreliable?? -- and, since I spend most of my time underwater, I've never actually seen the movie. Didn't want to take any chances on making the same mistake twice -- hope this parody covers it all.
Pink nips like roses and pussy-cat kittens
Peeking through curtains at lingerie fittin's
Teeny bikinis like tangas and strings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Creamy-skinned honeys who wiggle their boodle
Hugh Hefner's Bunnies that stiffen my noodle
Wild chicks that smile and slip off wedding rings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Girls in short dresses with pink satin panties
Bend to pick up things, revealing their scanties
Silver-white nighties; lace applique'ings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

When the world bites
Rotten news, brings
When I'm feeling wimp
I simply remember my fave risque' things
And then I don't feel so limp!

Hot lips like roses and lingering kisses
Bright red brassieres worn by warm, friendly misses
Dancers exotic in shiny G-strings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Doorbells on knockers of all diff'rent sizes
Mammaries, jugs, and those hidden surprises
Navels on abdomens, flat as a plane
Past perfect bodies with whom I had lain [1]

Girls who get rained on in thin see-through dresses
Brunettes with brown eyes and long wavy tresses
Redheads and blondes; any woman who swings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

When the bird shites
When the dung slings
When the air is brown
I simply remember my fave risque' things
And then I don't feel so down!

Looking at centerfold pic that arouses
Playmates from Playboy® and Pets in Penthouses®
Internet and all the porn that it brings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Models in poses supine, prone, or sittin'
Standing, reclining; no matter, I'm smitten
Rolls in the hayloft and casual flings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Girls in low dresses with cleavage that flashes
Flirtingly smiling and batting eyelashes
Naughty black undies and bouncing bed springs
These are a few of my fave risque' things

When I'm busted
When I'm flat broke
Lots of bills to pay
I simply remember my fave risque' things
And then I will feel OK!

Trembling teens learning, so sweet, shy, and nervous
Favors returning and paying "lip service"
Plucking sweet cherries like Queen Annes and Bings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Spike heels with fishnets and garters with nylons
Twosomes and threesomes and free-for-all pile-ons
Negligees filmy, wet T-shirt that clings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Waitress at Denny's and cashier at Perkins'
Wax jobs and "landing strips", clean shaves and merkins
I'm not discouraged by maxi-pad "wings"
Though they're not some of my favorite things

When the car stalls
When the roads jam
When I'm out of luck
I simply remember my fave risque' things
And then I don't feel so stuck!

Petting the kitty or pooch gives me fevers
Warm, fuzzy creatures like soft, furry beavers
Playful caresses that cause tingle-ings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Fondling her fondly, make literal swelling [2]
Fantasies wild (and no, I'm not telling)
Don't much like body-pierced jewelry and blings --
Those aren't some of my favorite things

Nudists sunbathing, or just topless thongers
A-cups and B-cups; c-Cups and Bazongers
Cutting the mustard and licking the jar [3]
That is what some of my fav'rite things are

When the boss yells
When the wife nags
When my butt gets chewed
I simply remember my fave risque' things
And then I don't feel so screwed!

Climbing to climax atop mound of Venus
Girl who's my friend, but with nothing between us [4]
Lady who lavishes loving on me
That is what some of my favorite things be

Dark, sexy women in Baghdad or Tikrit
Secretly wearing Victoria's Sikrit
Beautiful Queens who make men feel like Kings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Dressed up like Santa, put "gifts" in her stocking
If she's been good, I'll get her planet rocking
Sometimes she's bad, and she likes what that brings :)
She gets a few of her favorite stings!

When I'm heartsick
When I've been dumped
When I'm feeling grief
I simply remember my fave risque' things
And then I feel prompt relief!

I love a cutie with firm, rounded booty
Beauty who's nudie in movie quite lewd-y
Naked miss wearing just gloves, hat, and slings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

Blushing cheeks (both) and erect areolae
Dipping my chip into her guacamole
Smart, cunning linguist in French and Greek sings
These are a few of my fave risque' things

'Sperienced lovers and scared, trusting virgins
Yield to my urgin's for purgin' by mergin's
Surgin' emergence, detergents can clean
That is why God made a washing machine

When I'm lonely
When I'm writing
Alimony checks
I simply remember my fave risque' things:
The cheapest and best safe sex!



[1] "lain" = "past perfect" tense of "lie (with)"
[2] Badly stretched pun for the sake of decency, but it's the closest acceptable wording that came to mind.
[3] Old saying: "When you're too tired (or too old) to cut the mustard, you can still lick the jar."
[4] Such as clothing.

Hadn't thought of doing this OS until seeing Red Ant's excellent negative spin, then started thinking of more "positive" ones. Julie Andrews would be proud, I'm sure. © 2007 Tommy Turtle.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   10
 10
 10
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin rhodes - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
a masterpiece...chock full of great lines..if i had to pick one, i'd say i like the urgin' / purgin' / mergin' / surgin' line best...5s plus
AFW - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Spot on smooth and funny, as always..lots of great risque' choice lines....Where are the voters and comments.?.this deserves a traffic jam, here
Yoidy - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow! X rated honey! Love Victoria's Sikrit 555
Tommy Turtle - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
alvin rhodes, thanks plus... AFW, thanks... maybe too long-winded for some, a fault of mine... Yoidy, thanks... glad ya liked the Persian Perversion line :)
Red Ant - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks for the plug, Tranny Turtle (you're not into those? woops!). Excellent work, Tommy T. My favorite couplet would be "I'm not discouraged by maxi-pad "wings"/Though they're not some of my favorite things". You're pacing was excellent. That site you linked has a decent MIDI, but like last time the lyrics are incomplete...actually, the lyrics are all there, they just forgot to type "repeat again" at the bottom. This was overkill, but I enjoyed it all the way through. 555+

PS: Who the heck would wear a crotch wig, a.k.a "merkin"?
Red Ant - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
That "You're" was supposed to be "Your". You should do a parody about the correct usage of colons, semicolons, parentheses, and whether or not periods, exclamation marks and question marks go inside of quotation marks when said marks are at the end of a sentence.
Tommy Turtle - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Red Ant: Not enough verses, too many verses... I can't win here :)

Waaay back before your time (almost back to AFW's time lol), when all-nude exotic dancing first become popular in San Francisco, dancers who had dyed their (upper) hair would wear a merkin so that the "shoes would match the dress", as the saying goes. (Ya don't wanna be putting chemical hair dyes down there.)

Punctuation: Wow, that's a lot to put in a parody. 'Sides, there's some difference of opinion twixt ourselves and our UK cousins over the in/out of quotes thing. TT policy: If the thing quoted would have a period, ! or ? of its own, it stays inside the quote marks; if not, not (aside from the fact that songs and poetry don't usually punctuate at the end of lines). Example: If not in a song, the full sentence "I'm not discouraged by maxi-pad wings." deserves a period of its own; whereas a phrase which you snatch from it, such as "maxi-pad wings" has no period of its own, being not a full sentence:
Red Ant liked TT's phrase "maxi-pad wings". Quote, snatch, quote, period.

Clear as mud? Anyone laughing yet?
Red Ant - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Too much is better than too little, that is unless you exceed the 14 verses and 7 choruses of American Pie, heh heh.

"snatch" and "deserves a period of its own", yes, I'm laughing!

Thanks for the clarification on punctuation. After all, I'd rather you not rag me to death when I make a mess (of language)!
Brown Ant - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Excuse me, but the word risque is not spelled with an apostrophe. If you want to make an "e" with an accent mark, there is a correct way to do it. All you do is hold down the alt key, type "0233" on the numeric keypad (on the right-hand side of your keyboard), and then release the alt key. Then ba da bing, the é will appear.

I still give it a 5/5/5.
Green Turtle - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Red Ant: Your wish is my command, at least this time. Punctuation parody was whipped out and rammed in for tomorrow.

Brown Ant: I know very little HTML markup and am always glad to learn more. But I don't have a numeric keypad on the right side of the keyboard, as I use a laptop. I'll try it with the top numbers:

Nothing showed up. Back to my trusty HTML guide: ht*tp://www.cookwood.com/html/extras/entities.html#char, which says to use & # 233 (no spaces), like this:

é Ba ba ding? Thanks for the votes and the tips!
TT - January 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Red Ant, I wouldn't rag on you if only you were more absorbent of knowledge. Put that in your pipe and tamp on it!
Rex - January 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow, what a snacherpiece... um, I mean masterpiece.
PMS - January 03, 2007 - Report this comment
LOL funny all the way thru. Fave lines "A-cups...Bazongers", "Cunning linguist" You are Lord of the Fives!
TT - January 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Rex, thanks, lol.... PMS, glad you liked my Latin tongue, so to speak... thanks :)
Brown Ant - January 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Who is Green Turtle? Is he the parody author's brother?
Phil Alexander - January 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Mwahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha (that's a laugh twice as long as normal)... incidentally, if you've got a UK keyboard, ctrl+alt+e (or the alt gr (to the right of the spacebar) +e) gives é without having to do an alt+0223. Not sure if it works for any other keyboard layouts, though.
Tommy Turtle - January 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Brown Ant, I don't believe we've met, and pleased to meet ya. One of my many (annoying) quirks is punning on my own nick when leaving comments. In this case, Red (Ant), Brown (Ant), ergo, Green (Turtle). Sorry it wasn't clear.

Phil Alexander, thaaaaaaaaaanks! ... I DK what "alt gr" is. I have a US keyboard (although they're all miade in China, right?) and, as mentioned above in GT's reply to Brown Ant, it's a laptop and hence does not have all of the keys of a full keyboard. Can't get anything to appear with ctrl+alt+e; appreciate the tip, but will stick with & # xxx for HTML codes.

(To all)For a pic of Tommy at the keyboard, please visit ht*tp://geocities.com/tommythedancingturtle/ and click on "next page" at the bottom. (The "inspiration" link at the bottom of the home page has some OS with the type of rhyme, pace, and puns that we here all enjoy.)
Agrimorfee - January 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Good stuff again, TT! (Nice pic, too! :))) 555
Tommy Turtle & Transcriber - January 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Agrimorfee, thanks... I told Tommy you liked his pic, and he smiled... 'course, he always smiles... :)

PMS, my pea-brain fergot to applaud the Golding reference -- good one :)
Chick Daney - January 04, 2007 - Report this comment
To Phil Alexander: I believe alt 0223 gives you ß (and I have no idea what character that is). That is, if you're using an American keyboard. Alt 02 THREE 3 (as Brown ant said) gives you the e with the accent mark.
TT to Chick Daney - September 19, 2008 - Report this comment
Chick Daney: That character is used in German, to represent a sound similar to a double "S" in English: "Kiß me, you fool!"
Meriadoc - December 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Don't forget:

Sleepin' with sheep that I don't need for knittin'
Eweful adventures that are quite unfittin'...
Tommy Turtle - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: LOL!

I guess this was a different genre: the human one. Following the old adage: "Beast is feast, and breast is blessed, but never the twain shall meat" -- or something. ;-D   Thanks for the read/comment!

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