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Song Parodies -> "A Few of My Resolutions"

Original Song Title:

"My Favorite Things"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:

"A Few of My Resolutions"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

Give to the homeless and love all my neighbors
Don't blow my paychecks at 31 Flavors
Pay down my credit cards, Firm up my buns
These are a few of my resolu-tions

Set free the neighborhood pets from my attic
Don't look for boobs in the Spice Channel static
Start wearing underpants, Stop sniffing glue
These are the things I'm resolving to do

Send Get Well cards to the girls that I've dated
Pose in my G-string in Sports Illustrated
Kick ass in Bunco and Bingo and golf
These are the things that I hereby resolf

Braid my nose hair
Streak through Times Square
Add an inch - or more
And if I don't get this all done the first day
I've still got three-sixty-four!

(Now sing along, you little rugrats, or I'm taking you to Neverland Ranch!)

Stop mixing Prozac, Viagra, and Midol
Sing The Thong Song on American Idol
Find a new soulmate I don't tip with ones
These are a few of my resolutions

Grope Mrs. Clinton or Bryant or Shriver
Show skin on Jackass and Cops and Survivor
Burn off my life-size Rush Limbaugh tattoo
These are the things I'm resolving to do

Marry J. Lo
Join a freak show
Whack a Mouseketeer
And if I give up by the end of this month
I'll try it again
Next
Year!
2003+ Spaff.com. Shameless plug: Get this on the Robert Lund CD Elves Gone Wild!

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   8
 8
 8
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Guy - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
Spaff - Excellent! I'm howling. You have got to get Mr Lund to record this for you if not done so already.

"Don't look for boobs in the Spice Channel static"

It took me just a sec. to figure this line out and then a loud howl.
Adagio - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
Crazy!! In a good way! :D 5's
Big Red - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
I've heard this song on Elves Gone Wild, and it's hilarious. 5-5-5
Johnny D - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
I need more funny in my own parodies - and Spaff, thou, dude, doth showeth me howeth to doeth it - very good !!
Jan U - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
Soooooooo good!! I'm loving it!
Spaff.com - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanx, Guy & Pat & Red & Johnny Deet & Jan!
This is track 16 on "Elves Gone Wild!" For some reason, it's listed on the CD as just "A Few Resolutions," but it's the same song.
Arwen - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
Seriously Fabulous! Anyone who can include a reference to Bunco in their parodies is brilliant in my book! I LOVE it! 5s!!
Jude Rodamer - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
5-5-5!! But...'resolf'? Ok, now you've done it!! Resolf is now useable at this site!! Congratulations on yet another perfect parody!
Mr X - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
I thought this was pretty good too! 5-5-5
Michael Pacholek - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
I resolve to go back to this one many times next year and laugh my ass off!
Billy Florio - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
Why would anyone get a Rush Limbaugh Tattoo? lol
Melhi - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
LOL!
Rick D - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
Boy we never get sick of this song, do we? Well done, you mad cow, you.
Paul Robinson - December 31, 2003 - Report this comment
Spaff, EX-CELL-EN-TEE. I like the "resolf" - you could have used "resolve" and it would work, but the mutation has a "poetic license" feel that takes that verse out of the ordinary into a special comedic realm (translation: I had to grin and chuckle when I read it just for it's own sake, but it also signalled, "ok, it's been good up 'til now, but HERE'S where it really starting rockin' & rollin'.") Now we're all drooling (well, I am, anyway. Gotta talk to my dentist about that.), ready to get knocked on our respective rears by the final verses (and we are).
Steve Kalafut - December 31, 2003 - Report this comment
OK, I'm singing along already! PLEASE don't take me to Neverland! (But then, I'm too old for MJ's tastes.)
Michael McVey - December 31, 2003 - Report this comment
Why would anyone get a Rush Pinball tattoo? Or a Hate-lery Clinton tattoo? Well, *something* has to go inside my red ball-and-slash tattoo (lol). Of course, I thought of putting the Green Bay Quackers logo there....
AussieBullDog - December 31, 2003 - Report this comment
Yeah, I'm too old to fit in at Neverland too, so in your face. Fives, mate.
Marlowe - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment
If Julie Andrews sang this, 'The Sound Of Music' would be a lot more tolerable.
Royce Miller - January 02, 2004 - Report this comment
magically delicious
Mikerz - January 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Simply amazing! All 5s!
Meriadoc - January 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent!
pickle - January 05, 2004 - Report this comment
I liked him singing 'The Thong Song' on American Idol! Also, if Bjork had sung this parody in 'Dancer In The Dark' (her character Selma is seen rehearsing 'The Sound Of Music') it may have made that Lars Von Trier miseryfest funnier. Then again she could have done to sing 'There Were Ten Million Green Bottles' during the execution scene. Good stuff!
Claude Prez - January 05, 2004 - Report this comment
This song is not appropriate for little kids. That said, "braid my nose hair" is my five-year-old's favorite line, followed closely by "whack a Mouseketeer".
Jeff Reuben - January 05, 2004 - Report this comment
This was one of the top three or four songs on the album.
Spaff.com - January 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow, y'all, your comments make this all worthwhile.
Thanx, Sir X & Michaelopedia & Mel & Marlowe & Royce the leprechaun & Mikerz & Brandybuck.
Arwen: I shoulda figured that a Kearns emigre would get the Bunco thing.
Jude and Paul: Some rhymes make less sense the deeper you delf.
Billy F & Mike M: The joke was originally about Johnny Depp's "Winona Forever" tattoo. But that's SO last year.
RAD: Moo moo, big boy.
Steve & Ozzy: Hey, there's room at Neverland for adults too. One adult, anyway. And there may be a vacancy soon.
pickle: Thanks for bringing back the image of Bjork at the Oscars in that swan dress.
C4P & Jeffaroo: I've had people tell me that their kids love the CD and play it nonstop. Yikes. My intent was not for a bunch of preschoolers to go around singing about Russian nymphomaniacs.
2nz - January 06, 2004 - Report this comment
First place and deserving. A late congrads to the reigning king.
Steven Cavanagh - January 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Perfecto. I love the "list of crazy things" type of songs, they're so much fun to write and as a reader you just don't know what's coming next. Life-Size 5s.
Phil Alexander - January 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Hi, Spaff - my kids love the CD, too (though I do try and skip the last couple of verses of "Paddle my Bum", for fear of unwanted questions ).
Claude Prez - January 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah, just for the record here, the kids only hear this stuff in the car and for some reason Dad's always loudly clearing his throat at certain key parts. That way they're not exposed to anything unseemly when I drive them to day care at the rectory;
Mark L - January 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Now you've done it. First I went to see Derek Trucks play and, realizing that I'll never be that good, I came home and burned my guitars. All 10 of them. Now, having read your parody, I'm looking around for something else to burn. This one has it all. The meter of "My Favorite Things" is perfect for laying out, in rapid-fire succession a list of familiar good intentions, but you pull in so many contemporary absurdities as well ("...add an inch?" You must be getting those spams, too.). We can all laugh at ourselves as we laugh at your parody. And the verses are arranged so that you take us deeper and deeper into the absurd. This is a master at work.
Bob Gomez - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
A fine addition to the "Favorite Things" canon, in your unmistakably weird and fearless voice. Congratulations and best regards as always--d;:^)
Spaff.com - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
2nz: Thanx!
Stevenagh: I stole the idea from Luke Ski.
Luke Ski: JUST KIDDING. Steven Cavanagh stole it.
Phil & Claude: My goal is two have a whole generation of kids shouting "My kielbasa's long enough!" Girls too. Think how empowering that would be.
Mark: Thanks - your check is in the mail. Meanwhile, I'd better check out Derek Trucks too, since I like burning stuff.
Bob Frickin' Gomez: I've been called unmistakably weird before, but never weird and fearless. Thanks for the honor.
Johhny Bad Note - January 15, 2004 - Report this comment
There's something that I don't get: I see that all but one person voted 5's for pacing; the other voted 1 for that category? How could he/she/it do such a thing? (I was not that person; I'm too smart. In fact, I voted straight fives.)
Stray Pooch - January 18, 2004 - Report this comment
I just got around to reading this and it is freaking HILARIOUS!! When I read the "resolf" rhyme I fell out of my chair - shades of Ogden Nash!!! My favorite line: "Find a new soulmate I don't tip with ones!" I just stopped in this Sunday morning to break the Sabbath reading a few parodies. NOW how am I gonna teach my class - LOL!! This was truly a straight fiver and well-deserved!
Spaff.com - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny BN: Perhaps 1's should be viewed as a badge of honor - proof that the parody is edgy enough that someone disliked it. Everyone likes high marks, though, so thanks for yours.
Bro. Pooch: I'm honored that you would break the Sabbath for me, especially to quote an unholy line. Now go and sin no more.
Marianne E. B. Markham - February 23, 2004 - Report this comment
OMG this is really funny. I really love this one. You are the one of the spoof masters of different musicals. lol my favorite part is "Now sing along you little rugrats, or I'm taking you to Neverland Ranch!" XD
Spaff.com - March 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, MEBM. Believe it or not, this was recorded in October, before the latest pedophilia scandal. So what could have been an old joke became timely again. (Then again, Jacko is always a safe bet.)
Max - March 12, 2004 - Report this comment
I think Johhny makes a fair observation. If I don't like a parody, I ain't gonna just vote ALL ONES; that would be dishonest. If the pacing is perfect or near-perfect, then voting 1 in that category would be absurd. It is perfectly valid, however, to vote 5-1-1. AAMOF, that's what I did with one parody on the site I disliked. (I ain't gonna say which one, though.)
Jack Wilson - April 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Probably my fav on the CD Great job!
Spaff.com - May 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx again for picking up the CD, Jackie. And Max: Good point, but there's just no way to prevent people from voting subjectively in every category. I try (TRY) to appreciate every vote regardless, and focus my energy on writing the next one.
Saider E. - June 06, 2004 - Report this comment
ROTFLMAO!!! literally!
Spaff.com - June 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Saider: Literally? That's quite an image.
Ashkicksass - July 20, 2004 - Report this comment
So so so so so so fabulous! I love you Spaff!
Spaff.com - July 31, 2004 - Report this comment
Sister Kicksass: To your first exclamation: I know you are. To your second: Repeatedly?
Ashkicksass - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Well you did agree to wear the sandwich board...
pre-wipe tally - August 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Pacing- 51 fives, 1 three, 1 one
Funny - 48 fives, 2 fours, 3 ones
Overall - 50 fives, 1 four, 2 ones
Stuart McArthur - October 16, 2004 - Report this comment
unbelieveable and astonishing -so perfect (I got to it from your signature at the bottom of your messageboard comment on Angelina J. - f.y.i.)
Spaff.com - December 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Belated thanx, Stuartiste. It's just about time to dust off last year's resolutions and re-set them. Again.
Red Ant - December 25, 2006 - Report this comment
I listened the EGW CD today; this was one of my favorite tracks from it.
Spaff.com - December 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanx, Ant in Chains. It's just about time to dust off 2004's resolutions and re-set them. Again.

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