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Song Parodies -> "I Am the Worst Carpenter"

Original Song Title:

"If I Were a Carpenter"

Original Performer:

Johnny Cash/Tim Hardin

Parody Song Title:

"I Am the Worst Carpenter"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I Am the Worst Carpenter

I am the worst carpenter;
My firm's kind of shady.
I don't carry insurance; pay
When laborers make me.

I'm a drinker of limeade
That is more than limey.
With a couple of shots it's laced,
In a glass that's rimey.

Slave-driving the only gents
Who will wheel my barrow.
Paying these guys only centsó
They subsist on taro.

And I use substandard wood.
Inspectors don't love me.
So I pretend to be good,
While they hover above me.

And I use wood filler
That's not safely binding
Pieces of a cardboard box
That replace pine siding.

I am the worst carpenter;
My firm's kind of shady.
I don't carry insurance; pay
When laborers make me.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   1
 1
 1
 

User Comments

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Royce Miller - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
John, it almost seems like the kind of thing you write from experience--with a bad carpenter
Kristof Robertson - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
It would be really unoriginal of me to make a comment about you "nailing" this one,John....so I won't .555
Johnny D - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Looks like you've nailed another three-by-5.
John Barry - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, guys. Royce, amazingly, I've never had a bad carpenter experience. Painters, however. . . .
alvin rhodes - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
my dad was a carpenter...he didn't do any of that shady stuff, though...nice job
Meriadoc - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
And do you have Jimmy Hoffa buried in your foundation? ;-D
Rick D - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Love it. I wondered if you've ever heard of a comedy duo "Doo-doo-wah". The do original funny songs and have one about "B.A.R.F. Construction" (Because the just throw it up) Funny as hell, these guys.
John Barry - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks again. Haven't heard of 'em, Rick. Any way to find their stuff?
Rick D - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Try the net. I believe they are based out of Sacramento. The album I have features two guys on motorcycles, one making a left turn signal, one making a right. They have song titles like "My Baby turned Gay" and "Odor in the Court"
Paul Robinson - February 10, 2005 - Report this comment
A well-crafted piece of work, JB...I'm nailing some 5's up for you, sorry they are going to wipe out the 7 perfect ones you already have, but maybe folks will catch my comment and check this one out.

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