papa san left home when I was three
with my mom, choo-dik, and my brother li
and the old rickshaw had one wheel not two
now I don't blame him, but it wasn't nice,
he peed all over my momma's rice
but before he left we went and named me woo

well he musta thought it was quite a gas
'cause all through school people kicked my ass
seems I had to fight my whole life through
some guy would yell grasshopper, and I'd get red,
and I'd do a spinning heel kick to his head
I tell ya, the best thing I learned was kung fu

I grew up right with a pretty good soul, and
I could always make up a mean egg roll
I's move from town to town to breed my kids
but I made a soup out of vegetable stars,
that I served in all the cowboy bars
and sell it to the roundeye with the highest bid

well it was in Beijing, in middle of June
and I had my girlfriend, lik-mi-poon
I thought we would stop in and have a poo
at a dirty buffet called he mandarin,
we was hungry man, so we slid right in,
there was that dirty old gook that named me woo

well any love that I had was gone
as I started just a kicking my papa san
and I knew by the rice on his lip and the slanted eye
he was little and bent and slow and old
and I looked at him as my soup got cold
and I said "my name is Woo Chung kow die koo!
now you gonna fry

I kicked him hard right between the nuts,
and he went down, no if ands or buts
he come up with a chop and he chopped of a piece of my ear
I busted a chopstick across his meat
and he showed me a recipe for chicken braised feet
kicking and a gouging as we order some more chinese beeri

I tell ya, I've ordered number ten,
but this was the tastiest, I've had and then,
it tasted like a soy and the meat was a crocodile
I heard him laugh and I heard him say
go ahead, woo boy u make my day
I sttood there as he flashed that wall biting smile

he said, so, some meat is inherently rough,
but if you're gonna cook it, you can't leave it tough
and I know you can boil it for sai-goo wong
so I give you this tip and I'll say goodbye
and this is my new wife, her name's mi-pie
and that's the name I've wanted all along

he said now you just cooked me one hell of a rice
but before I eat it, I gotta be nice
it kills me now, to think I named you woo
but you aughta thank me before I die
for the chicken in your dish and the sauce in your pie
cause I never told you your real name was woo hoo

I got choked up and I threw down my dish,
as we each had rice and the head of a fish
and I came away with a diffeent point of view
and I think about it every time I hear
that my momma was deaf, and it was really queer
and if I ever get to ride and have a son, .....
I'm gonna name him God! or Ahhh anything but woo hoo
I still hate my name'