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Song Parodies -> "You're Pristine"

Original Song Title:

"You're Sixteen"

Original Performer:

Johnny Burnette

Parody Song Title:

"You're Pristine"

Parody Written by:

Offender

The Lyrics

The increased coverage lately doesn't necessarily mean that there's actually more canoodling with the students going on, but I sure have been hearing a lot about this kind of thing lately.
Ooh, you're so cute I could scream,
You're my wet dream!
You're a student of mine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.

You're so cute I could hurl;
Look like a girl!
You're a boy, but that's fine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.

You're my favorite teacher's pet.
When I first saw you, I got so wet!
I touched you there, my heart flip-flopped,
And ooh, my shirt ripped, my trousers dropped!

So don't mind all my screams;
It's not what it seems:
Honey, you're doing just fine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.

[Stroking of orchestral instruments]

You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.

[More stroking of orchestral instruments]

You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.

Well, you're my favorite teacher's pet.
I've got to have you, so you I'll get.
I don't care if they stare and cough,
So come home with me; tear my clothes off!

And don't mind all my screams;
It's not what it seems:
Trust me, you're doing just fine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine

Well, you're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
Some people might wonder why I pick on school teachers instead of, say, Michael Jackson. My reply is: for all his fame or notoriety, he's one single man, and no one's forcing people to leave their kids in his care and protection all day.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   1
 2
 1
 
 5   5
 4
 5
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin rhodes - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
a little disturbing, but a fine parody without a doubt...5s
Red Ant - November 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Offender, is this a continuation of your "I Hate My State Run F*ggot School" parody? I'm having a hard (bad choice of word there) time believing this is happening in public schools as you describe ( at "nine"?). I'm fairly sure you have some sources you could site for me because this is pretty disturbing content. Then again, this week at a local school a teacher was arrested for allegedly raping a 14 year-old girl. Another was arrested for being drunk in class. Not exactly positive role models.
Offender - November 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, it's a parody! The news stories I'm hearing are mostly the same as the one you mentioned--a 14-year-old boy here, a 15-year-old girl there and of course, who can forget what happened with Mary Kay Letourneau? (You may already have heard of the first two incidents: Debra Lafave and Jaymee Wallace, anyone?) Yes, this is sort of a continuation of that other song, but only as part of what I said there about doing a piece about "hetero" molestors too. The only current place I've heard of where the victims are as young as I suggest in this song, though, is South Africa.
Spaff.com - November 05, 2005 - Report this comment
"You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine." You mentioned that you got that idea somewhere else. Have you figured out where yet?
Offender - November 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Spaff.com - January 06, 2004 12:54:47 PM
From the rejected ideas list: "You're Pristine, You're Beautiful, and You're Nine."
Great job.

Your loss is my gain, as I like to say.

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