Go Ask Alice (from the Brady Bunch)

Marcia's somewhat larger
And Cindy's very small
So Jan's the middle sister
Does it mean anything at all?
Go ask Alice
While she mops the floor

And if she goes cooking pork chops
And her vacuum's in the hall
Tell her a butcher with an attitude
Has given her a call.
Call Alice
When her apron's small.

When stuff falls on the headboard*
Get up and tell her what you know
When you're locked in some kind of freezer
And the temp is moving low
Go ask Alice
To thaw your nose

When lost in the Grand Canyon
And you've been left there for dead,
And poor Marcia's face is ruined.
From a football into her head
Remember what Joe Namath said:
"Help that kid. Help that kid."



* from Hawaiian episode