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Song Parodies -> "The Christmas of Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Christmas of Edmund Fitzgerald"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Did you feel it in your bones? Me + Christmas? You knew this was coming.
The legend lives on from the North Pole on down
of St. Nicholas, some call Kris Kringle.
And poor Tiny Tim, saved from future so grim
and the songs that are sung by Der Bingle.

With load full of toys for the girls and the boys
Santa Claus suits up all of his reindeer.
And Rudolph's nose shines, bright red like every time
and it's natural, no punch gave him pain there!

That nose was the pride of the Rankin-Bass side
when they wrote that big CBS special.
Good thing, 'twould be sad if those guys instead had
written 'bout that poor iron-ore vessel!

Concluding his boast in front of Marley's ghost
Ebenezer Scrooge, he learned his lesson.
A miser don't be, or for eternity
you'll pay for your Christmastime messin'!

The wind from the north made a tattletale sound
and the silk hat blew right through the gloamin'.
When it landed, it's said, on Frosty's big head
it produced life for that cartoon snowman!

Kids don't get up late, and breakfast has to wait
on the December twenty-fifth morning.
Some people, they fret that those kids will forget
it's the day of their Messiah's borning!

When suppertime comes, Mom serves chicken and duck
saying, "Everyone, it's time to feed ya!"
At 7 PM, she serves pie of pumpkin
saying, "You didn't eat too much, did ya?"

And under the tree, present I didn't see.
Bow and wrapping, what could this box herald?
A model of ship from that terrible trip.
It's a gift from old Edmund Fitzgerald!

Does anyone know where old Santa Claus goes
when he's finished after all those hours?
He parachutes in to a bowl Hawaiian
for a football game 'tween college powers!

I might have split pants, and I need a new size.
Use the gift certificate from Macy's.
But all that remains from my shopping-mall pains
is what I got my wife, it's so lacy!

The parking lot's jammed, Sinatra still sings
while the mall-rats return what they've gotten.
And some still depart for big sale at Wal-Mart.
The aisles in back are for sportsmen!

And farther below, the newspapers do show
of the procession in Square of Manger.
And the pilgrims, they go to a place made for show
'cause where it happened, who'll really remember?

On old Fifth Avenue, their faith they renew
in the hall of St. Patrick's Cathedral.
I'm just glad I did not get what I could have got
from that alternate Edmund Fitzgerald!

The legend lives on from the North Pole on down
of St. Nicholas, some call Kris Kringle.
But I'll say it here, I can wait a whole year
before I hear another bell jingle!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   9
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User Comments

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alvin rhodes - December 26, 2004 - Report this comment
brilliant parody...among the very best this christmas season...bravo
Bob Gomez, unbelieving - December 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow. I DKTOS, but this was great fun to read, and it shows a lot of careful thought and hard work. Fave rhyme: gloamin'/snowman. Awesome, dude! d;:^)
2nz - December 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent achievement, Mike. I especially like the extensively close ties you made with the original here. My favorite lines:
"Concluding his boast in front of Marley's ghost"

"And some still depart for big sale at Wal-Mart."
"The aisles in back are for sportsmen!"
Gordon Lightfoot - December 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Uh, Mike, I really liked this parody of my song, but it was from the 70s, not the 60s.
John Jenkins - December 27, 2004 - Report this comment
An ambitious project, Michael, combining so many topics from Charles Dickens to a 1975 Lake Superior tragedy, and well carried off. A lot of good lines including the college bowl game reference. Was the line about the writer's wife complete fiction or have you found someone who can put up with your eccentricities?
Michael Pacholek - December 27, 2004 - Report this comment
John: No, "the wife" remains hypothetical. What the hell, Michael Douglas can't live forever... then again, his father Kirk is pushing 90... and Marc is sure to cheat on J-Lo... uh, where was I? Oh yeah, I should have explained: "That alternate Edmund Fitzgerald," whose gifts I'd want to avoid, could have been any one of those parodied, including Johnny D's ("Fellas, here comes your new gangplank!"), Malcolm's ("He just knew this dump would be a killer"), Laurence Dunne's ("And now therapy awaits when I'm older"), or even one of my own ("And to his next injection he's dashing").
mac - December 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice work, Micheal. This one lives up to the great AmIRight Edmund Fitzgerald tradiiton.

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