Olins glist'nin' from klist'rin' tool,
Booty's sitzin' and a-stingin', yet cool.
I mess up, get on trail where experts rule;
They suggest: "You suck! Best get to ski school."

Spruce tree! Spruce tree! Save me!
Spruce tree! Spruce tree! Save me!
Spruce tree! Spruce tree! Save me!
Guess I better get lessons at ski school.

Free-style jumpin', I neglect to join my skis.
I break both legs when I land with unbent knees.

Here's the patrol's snow track; they strap me onto its rack.
I'm boozy-woozy from Cognac in my Camelback.
They suggest, lushin' while schussin's not cool
And suggest I take lessons at ski school.

Movin, movin' craz'ly,
Movin, movin' craz'ly,
Movin, movin' craz'ly,
Did this driver go to snow-machine school?

The snowmobile's a-movin', it is really flyin';
The driver is a-boozin' gin, tonic, and lime.
Best not to get ploughed as a general rule--
We go snow-ploughin' into the ski school.

"Sue me, sue me, lady!
Sue me, sue me, lady!
Sue me, sue me, lady!"
He slurs to the chick he hits at ski school.

She's quite grumpy 'cause he wrecked her brand-new skis.
She needs a dressing with which she can mend her knees.

Threw 'way, threw 'way, baby,
Threw 'way, threw 'way, baby,
Threw 'way, two planks, baby--
I teach mixing drinks in après-ski school.