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Song Parodies -> "I Hand-Help Myself"

Original Song Title:

"I Can't Help Myself"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Four Tops

Parody Song Title:

"I Hand-Help Myself"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Honey-pie plunger-dunk,
You know that I love to
Hand-help myself.
I love you to the point of welts.

In and out my five,
You come and you go.
If I craved real stricture--behind
Kissed it off for grip-around time.

When I clasp my fingers
Around your "eye,"
You'll come runnin' real soon.
I dry what handshakin' brings,
I have got to hand it to you.
Oooooooo!
Hand-help myself
Ohhhhhhhh.
I hand-help myself.

Honey-pie plunger-dunk,
A tweaker of my gland I be.
Hand-help myself--
Love my tool, as you can see.
Wanker--fell you 'cause I love you.
Fell you till you droop,
Till you're tired.
And every time I keep the pace,
I choke up on the outside.

When I call your name. . .
Sounds like I'm in pain
Churnin' feelin' starts.
Pair make it depart.
There's matter on my thigh--
It's runnin' down the side.

Honey-pie plunger-dunk,
You know that I tweak for you.
Hand-help myself
I love you to the point of welts.

Honey-pie plunger-dunk,
All I think about when I grasp you
I hand-help myself.
I wank you and nobody else.

Honey-pie plunger-dunk,
You know that I love to
Hand-help myself. . . .

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   5
 4
 4
 

User Comments

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Johnny D - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent MASTURBATION PARODY, John! Gotta hand it to you --- er, actually, I think you've already handed it to yourself ...
Michael Pacholek - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Is it lonely at the top, or tops with the lonely?
Johnny D - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey Michael ... Only the bonely ... (thumb-thumb-thumb-cum-diddle-ooo-ahh) ... Know the way he feels tonight ... (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah) ...
Dumb Ass Kid - April 02, 2005 - Report this comment
It isn't a bad parody, but shouldn't it be on WhatFreaks?
alvin rhodes - April 02, 2005 - Report this comment
painfully funny...5s
Rick Cormier - April 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Not bad, what do you have up and coming? 555

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