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Song Parodies -> "If I Were A Hit Man"

Original Song Title:

"If I Were A Rich Man"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Fiddler On The Roof

Parody Song Title:

"If I Were A Hit Man"

Parody Written by:

Tim Mayfield

The Lyrics

"Poor slob, should'nt have looked through the door's peephole
He realized, of course, that he's more safe behind doors
But that's not protection either!
So, what would have been so terrible if I had to try harder?"

If I were a hit man
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dun
All day long I'd target with my gun
If I were a hired man
I'd fulfill ev'ry contract
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dun
If I were a beady greedy hit
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man

Seventeen kids and another in the oven
Not a good time to be shot down
A fine career that he had with room to grow
Now you see he'll be just pushing daisies up
While everyone he knows wears a frown
Shouldn't leave your debts unpaid, don't you know

I'd file a notch each time that I shot each loser schmuck
But never would shed a tear
And each loud "pop" and "crack" and "blam" and "whack"
Simply would mean I could buy more gear
Cause when they pay I'd buy more ammo man

If I were a hit man
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dun
All day long I'd polish up my gun
If I were a shooter man
I'd love to use a rifle
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dun
If I were a beady greedy hit
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man

I'd snuff out life for gold waiting long for the right shot
Wating for the moment when
I get the crosshairs lined up in my sights
You'd see me standing on chairs and pointing little red dots
Boy, what a cramp I'm almost spent
Throbbing pain is shooting up my thighs

The most important men in town would seek to hire me!
They would warn me not to cross them
Saying that it's not too wise
"Can you swim with the fish..."
"Can you swim in concrete..."
Rub out problems that would be my only life!
By then I'd no longer have a choice I would have to go along
Once you hit, you can't quit don't you know!

Once I did hit, I'd live my whole life that way
Just hit on the small time chumps all day
Or maybe I'd be spending my time in jail
And I'd be stuck with other crooks in the state pen, taking showers every day
Praying that some John Doe pays my bail

If I were a hit man
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dumb
All day long I'd kick me in the bum
If I were a caged con man
I wouldn't want to be me
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dumb
If I were a beady greedy hit
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   11
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User Comments

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Johnny D - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Muzzle Tov!
Arwen - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL! Excellent title...great parody to match!
Paul Robinson - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, Tim, this one is certainly a "hit"...spraying 15 shots your way...
Red Ant - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Great job Tim.
John Barry - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
All fives on the hit parade!
Michael Pacholek - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
You can have fives, Tim, but don't ask me about my business. Don't ever ask me about my business.
Matthias - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
A Dead Ringer!
PMS - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Too funny!
stuart mcarthur - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
"Once you hit, you can't quit don't you know!" - somehow, I don't think they get told that - funny job, Tim - 555
Tim Mayfield - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks for the tips and the votes. It struck me in a funny way to imagine Fiddler on the Roof being performed by the mob.
Phil Alexander - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
How odd, I thought I'd commented on this already - obviously not. Lots of fun, Tim - I returned to comment on your last comment: FotR performed by the mob would turn out something like Bugsy Malone, don't you think?... and then, of course, you'd have this one:
Godfather, godfather
Order a hit
I need this guy
Roughed up a bit
Godfather, godfather
Send out your man
And do me a perfect hit

...and so on...hey, this might have potential ;-)

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