I'll never water ski
The way my tired bones are hurting me
Ache in my side and I'm fit to be tied
And my neck has got a strain
I feel like dyin' from the pain

If I live a few more years
I'll need more drugs or at least some more beers
I'll never go to play basketball, bro
For my headaches remain
I feel like dyin' from the pain

Though I am now fifty-seven
I feel like I am almost seventy
I'm not that suicidal
But I could use a Midol
To face the years I might not want to see

Some day when my dyin's done
I'll prob'bly wind up somewhere hot as the sun
It won't be cool, but then darling you'll
Be there sharing my pain
And we'll be wishing for the rain
And lawyers we'll have to retain
We'll be right back in Hell again