When Dick Van Dyke is showin',
My TV is glowin'
The UFO is just a kiddy toy,
But hearin' Laura cryin'
"Oh, Rob!" she's sighin'
She's such a sight for sore eyes to enjoy,

With her and Millie fearin'
A killer they're hearin'
They scream and hit the hubby on the head,
While Buddy Sorrell is always insulting Mel,
But now they're both dead, oh well,
And Rose Marie is still ugly as hell.

When Laura told the country Al Brady's a baldy,
We thought he'd hit the roof and blow his stack,
And when Rob thought the Petries received the wrong baby,
But when he saw Greg Morris he just laughed,

And then he talked to Ritchie about the birds and bees,
Then Buddy had a Bar Mitzvah pa-lease.
Rob's uncle died and left the Lincoln photo to him,
They had twin beds free from sin,
Then Mary Tyler Moore's show would begin