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Song Parodies -> "The Conjurer"

Original Song Title:

"The Wanderer"

Original Performer:

Dion and the Belmonts

Parody Song Title:

"The Conjurer"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Oh well, I'm the kind of guy who puts spells on all around.
My pretty-girls arts always have belles lyin' down--
I kiss 'em and I love 'em, but they're never feeling shame.
My squeezin' gives new meanin' to the term "legerdemain."
They call me the conjurer, yeah, the conjurer;
They try to drown me but the clowns can't keep me down.

Well I can float awesome heft, levitate Mary, not light,
And Janie is the girl I'll saw in half tonight.
Harry Houdini couldn't have topped my best:
I tear open my shirt and I grow teats on my chest,
'cause I'm the conjurer, yeah, the conjurer:
I've got some mounds; up they pout and not down.

Oh well, I roam from town to town;
I convince wives themselves to share;
They're mad with envy at my mounds--
It's my two tits they're eyein;
They say, "Whoa! What a pair!"

I'm the bind of guy you tie a rope around
Then throw me in a lake. . .cement boots so I'll drown.
They tried to wreck my health; I was ballin' their girls.
I hop right out of that lake inclined to now mess up their worlds,
'cause I'm the conjurer, yeah, the conjurer;
They tried to drown me and so now I'll clown around.

[Magic Flute solo]

Oh yeah, I'm the kind of guy that likes to joke around,
So I disguise my face and go back into town,
And then I find myself a squalid hobo churl. . .
Drive him to lake in a car, not mine,
And drown him; he gurgles.

Then I call the constables; I con the constables;
They take 'em down, the clowns who bound me to make drown.
And then I con jurors and I spawn furor:
"I saw: they bound the clown and drowned him; he went down!"
Yeah I'm a conjurer. . .easy to con jurors--
The hobo found: he had my mouth and snout and mounds.
After I've conned jurors. . .have congress with jurors:
Habeus corpi, I have mounts and mouths and mounds.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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MasonR - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh, the wordplay here, it builds and builds, and now my brain hurts. But that's my problem. You, I give 5's.
Bernard Pacholek - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Let me step in here before my dopey little brother says that you really did wreck another Belmonts tune. 1, this was great. In fact, it was magical! And B, by the time Dion recorded "The Wanderer," he had split from the Belmonts. In fact, his backing group at this point was known as the Del-Satins, who later joined with Crests leader Johnny Maestro and a horn section to become the Brooklyn Bridge, the group that sang "The Worst That Could Happen." (Not to be confused with Yadier Molina's homer. Thought I'd get that in before Mikey could.)
alvin rhodes - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
pretty good conjurer growin' teats and
John Barry - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, Mason, Alvin, and Bernard for setting me straight about Dion. Guess it should have been "Wrecked Dion, Dels' Huge Tune."
Ann Hammond - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
laughing and singing
AFW - February 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Far out and very funny

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