Oh well, I'm the kind of guy who puts spells on all around.
My pretty-girls arts always have belles lyin' down--
I kiss 'em and I love 'em, but they're never feeling shame.
My squeezin' gives new meanin' to the term "legerdemain."
They call me the conjurer, yeah, the conjurer;
They try to drown me but the clowns can't keep me down.

Well I can float awesome heft, levitate Mary, not light,
And Janie is the girl I'll saw in half tonight.
Harry Houdini couldn't have topped my best:
I tear open my shirt and I grow teats on my chest,
'cause I'm the conjurer, yeah, the conjurer:
I've got some mounds; up they pout and not down.

Oh well, I roam from town to town;
I convince wives themselves to share;
They're mad with envy at my mounds--
It's my two tits they're eyein;
They say, "Whoa! What a pair!"

I'm the bind of guy you tie a rope around
Then throw me in a lake. . .cement boots so I'll drown.
They tried to wreck my health; I was ballin' their girls.
I hop right out of that lake inclined to now mess up their worlds,
'cause I'm the conjurer, yeah, the conjurer;
They tried to drown me and so now I'll clown around.

[Magic Flute solo]

Oh yeah, I'm the kind of guy that likes to joke around,
So I disguise my face and go back into town,
And then I find myself a squalid hobo churl. . .
Drive him to lake in a car, not mine,
And drown him; he gurgles.

Then I call the constables; I con the constables;
They take 'em down, the clowns who bound me to make drown.
And then I con jurors and I spawn furor:
"I saw: they bound the clown and drowned him; he went down!"
Yeah I'm a conjurer. . .easy to con jurors--
The hobo found: he had my mouth and snout and mounds.
After I've conned jurors. . .have congress with jurors:
Habeus corpi, I have mounts and mouths and mounds.