Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Crime! Criminals!"

Original Song Title:

"Chim Chiminy"

Original Performer:

Dick Van Dyke

Parody Song Title:

"Crime! Criminals!"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

A little social commentary on the latest spat between Charles Clark (the Home Secretary) and Michael Howard, each trying to show they're "harder" than the other... the H.A.C.O. mentioned below is a "House Arrest Control Order": basically locking someone up in their own house without trial and (if CC had had his own way) on the Home Sec's say-so with no actual proof.
Crime! Criminals!
Crime! Criminals!
Crime wave - whoopee!
If you're full of fright
Then you might
Vote for me

Crime! Criminals!
Crime! Criminals!
Crime is the cause
'Cause fear of crime
Brings the time
For new laws
So now wave "Adieu", to
The human rights clause

Call me Home Secret'ry
Call me Charles Clarke
You'll find out my bite
Is much worse than my bark

The Tories and Lib-dems
My bill would have wrecked
Don't want me to lock up
Whoe'er I suspect


Where I won't budge is
On judges and proof
"Intelligence" tells, and
Ain't that the Truth?

So I say with derision
The decision is mine
To lock 'em up for
An indefinite time
If they're locked in their houses
They won't do the crime


But, now that the bill in the house
Has been passed
You might think the terrorist threat
Cannot last

Those softies have watered it down
What a shower
For it's best that in me rests
The ultimate power

Fear! Terrorists!
Fear! Terrorists!
Fear is the key
Don't vote for that geek
'Cause he's weak
Not like me

Ain't nothing here
That's tougher, you know
Than Clark's anti-terror bill
H.A.C.O.
In our crime criminal
Crime-fighting
Manifesto

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.
 

Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   7
 7
 7
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Guy - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Sounds like some arresting development is going on across the pond there Phil. Very nice write but I don't know the lowdown on this, I'm sure, very newsworthy story but I can get enough hint from your parody what it's about. Very excellent rhyme, pace and meter on this as usual Phil. Here's some fives, please take them into custody.
Kristof Robertson - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Spot-on, Phil...may not get a lot of votes from our American cousins, but a perfect encapsulation of the whole farce. Loved seeing those Lords stuck in parliament all night....555
Alex Zander - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey i have enjoyed your paradoys before but i think your beginning to slip in your old age.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
We have a very radical/racial feminist movement in Sweden, last year they came up with the idea of a special tax for men and since then they have come up with the idea of a general nightly curfew for men. Wacky? You bet! (But they score approx 15 percent in polls asking if people should vote for them if they were a regular party).

I think this thing with "going harder on potential criminals" is beginning to become a general phenomenon in the west, it just looks different depending on what country you're in...
Phil Alexander - March 17, 2005 - Report this comment
"Potential criminals" is a hard thing to get a handle on... I mean, we're all "potential" criminals, aren't we?
Sorry to hear you didn't enjoy this one so much, Alex - ain't that always a problem with in jokes, though? If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's kind of hard to get the joke.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/dickvandyke1.shtml For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 895