Shook from bed, uncurled
As the sun, it did arise
Time to catch the train
That’s if the thing arrives...
Luck, it did, yet I’m appalled
Is it packed? You bet - wall to wall
It’s where my crusade for seat is overdue

Squeak myself between a lap and Nun’s behind
Gad! What’s touching me, of status undefined?
Hope that there’s clear line ahead
IPods squawk from numbnuts’ heads
Listen, bass keeps wafting (but no tune)

'Nother day spent riding on the very crushed express
No, there ain’t no hiding on the very crushed express
They’ve packed me in without finesse
All abhor the train
Air-con’s broke again

Guy’s been raving, he’s smells funny, then his bum, he bares
I’d tell the guard, but doubt he cares…

Say the train, it has been cancelled once again
Smarmy bloke announces “Next one’s can’t say whe-whe-whe-whe-when...”
Gone are days of feet on chairs
‘Cos there’s never none to spare
Crap knows when you’re gonna see me home
(Hell, yes, I’m bleating now)
And the ticket checkers must have worked for the S.S.
Must be in their job role for to show no pleasantness
They're wankers - tot’ly self-obsessed
Yes, I’m sure deriding of the very crushed express
Feel my life’s subsiding on the very crushed express
Another dose of daily stress
All abhor the train
All abhor the train
All abhor...