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Song Parodies -> "Sweets: Stupid Tooth-Wise"

Original Song Title:

"Suite: Judy Blue Eyes"

Original Performer:

Crosby, Stills & Nash

Parody Song Title:

"Sweets: Stupid Tooth-Wise"

Parody Written by:

Ethan Mawyer

The Lyrics

I had 2 wisdom teeth taken out on tuesday so i guess its not surprising that i've been thinking of teeth enough to write this. Everyone involved in Claude Prez's parody tournaments should know the original because of Rick Duncan's "Sweat: Sistine Ceiling" which won it's bracket of sixteen songs, beating mine in the 1st round.
I'm giving up the joints
Since after one it's for sure
I'll be hungry

Incisors hurt, they're plaque-y
They're less white than brown
From my munchies

No more s'mores, no more pies
No more chunky bars
No baking tarts

I'll never munch on M&M's
They melt and rot my gums, sure
Can't taste, the rainbow
Won't let molasses find a
Quick way into my mouth
It won't be easy

No dessert, when I dine
No more mallomars
And cake stays far

Telling myself avoid the sweets now
Cause my teeth are almost dying
My mouth is clean like goats are blue
I guess that I'd better get to a dentist

I'll have pork, that is fine
Just no simple carbs
And that is hard

I heard one time that elephants
Will die when they're teethless
I'm glad I'm human

Feeling the rotting after
The sweets that I said
I'm not having

No more s'mores, no more pie
No more mallomars
And cake stays far
No more baking tarts
No more baking tarts
No more baking tarts

I hate seeing
Sundaes that I cannot chew
I'm feeling really blue

New cake's warm and
Placed upon the table nearby
Making me want to cry

I can't help it I want Twix
Gingivitis pains me
I have horrid gum disease
I'm trying so hard
Not to lose a tooth

I've got a question
If they all fall out today
What will I have to chew?

Well, I'm done eating
Thirsty but soda ain't
Good if I want to chew

Mouth x-ray is scary
Truly it's in shambles
Sugar's sweet, but it eats
Up all my enamel

Choices were inane cause
Ding Dongs made my tooth die
Now I need, some surgery
Have to extract enamel

Dentist demands dentures
Drilling, drugs sedating
Novacaine, no more pain
Feeling hazy

Slipping into sleep, I'm dreaming of dentistry
Slipping into sleep, I'm dreaming of dentistry

Que lastima, me despertaba.
Dentista, tuvo un infarto
Tengo dos dientes en mi lengua
Alguien tiene que llamar el hospital

How can I help I barely can talk right now
I'd like to know is anyone else in here
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

translation for the spanish: what a shame, i woke up. Dentist had a heart attack. I have two teeth on my tongue. Someone needs to call the hospital

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Rick D - March 19, 2004 - Report this comment
I thought this was excellent. The tournament would have been much more "judement fair" if we had all entered the same song. Just like the mockery of the Oscars. Just one "Best Picture" So a great sci-fi movie or comedy hardly ever wins. Sometimes I try to "fix" parts of the original that didn't rhyme. I see we both resisted that temptation. I'm glad you translated the end part. Reminds me of "Office Space" where the shrink has a heart attack during hypnotherapy.
David Chrenko - March 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent parody, Ethan. You certainly suffered for your art.
Jonathan C. - March 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice song, Ethan. And nice Spanish. :-D
Johnny D - March 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow - great work, Ethan! 5's

Hey, Rick - good idea....there could be an all-American-Pie parody tournament, or an all-Beatles-tournament, or an all-Bohemian-Rhapsody tournament, etc etc. Would make the judging more focused, that's for sure.
Guy - March 19, 2004 - Report this comment
See what marijuana can lead to? Oh my God, tooth decay! Well done Ethan.
Paul Robinson - March 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Ethan, very fine job, I gave it straight 5's although I had some trouble with the pace in a some places. I wasn't going to grade it lower but I got curious and did a "copy/paste" over to a word doc and changed the lay-out to match the way I did mine. That did make it read better to me. Actually I think yours probably works fine, too but it has to be read a certain way that I am not capable of adjusting to after hearing the original literally HUNDREDS of times and then working over my piece probably 100 more times out loud and in my head until that one played out cleanly to me.
ethan - March 20, 2004 - Report this comment
thanks everyone... i just submitted what would be my entry for an all american pie tournament - i'm really surprised i finished it in one night and it might be by far the most controversial thing i've submitted here
Meriadoc - March 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Ethan, this was hilarious! Good job!

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