She's bovine
("Moo!" "Clang!" That cowbell bell clangs)
Swishin'-tail kine
(It bangs those horsefly gangs)
That heifer, corn is her fare
(When she's got hunger pangs)
Her skin's leather, shorn of hair
(When tanned, when tanned, when tanned)
She's got a cud, she's gonna chew it
(Assuage those hunger pangs)
Goes down, comes up many times
(Chew, sprang; chew, sprang; chew, sprang)
Her name is Bess, and she's my girl
(No bang, no bang, no bang)
Our love's Platonic, but the swine. . . .

I'm often in the sty
(Do ham, do ham, do ham)
A sowbelle caught my eye
(Viewed ham, viewed ham, viewed ham)
She has wonderful thighs
(Pork gams, pork, gams, pork gams)
I'm such a lucky guy
(I am, I am, I am)
But I know someday I'll fry
(Some ham, some ham, some ham)
Fry myself up some pork liver
(With Pam, with Pam, with Pam)
Have it with a nice white wine
(Chenin, Chenin, Chenin)
I'll make my fork quiver

One's bovine
(That's Bess)
Other's porcine
(Ingest)
One's my soul mate, er. . .
(Confess)
The other--I ate her
(Digest)
Each one could be leather
(The best)
Footballs, gloves for weather
(Sport, dress)
One is my mate
And one I ate
When I dwelled on the farm

I'm glad she's Holstein
("Moo!" "Clang!" That cowbell bell clangs)
And those nasty horns have been polled
(No prangs, no prangs, no prangs)
I know someday that my task's
(Moo bang, moo bang, moo bang)
Destined to be in the hay rolled
(Bell clang, cowbell will clang!)

'Cause she's a fine
(A fine)
Bovine
(Bovine)
No swine
(No swine)
A kine
(A kine)
No dine
(No dine)
The line
(The line)
Hawaiian
(Hawaiian)
"Da Kine"*
("Da Kine")


*"the best" in Hawaiian pidgin