Crimson States every four years
rolled me, high and mighty, zap!
Pounced with fire on flaming roads
in Iraq, for Saddam's trap!
"Mission accomplished, yay!" said I
proud 'neath tightened brow.
Aw, but I was so much smarter then.
I'm dumber than that now.

Half-assed prejudice leaps forth.
"Go, John Ashcroft," I screamed!
Lies we tell 'bout black and white
from my empty skull, it seemed.
Dramatic words go through my ears:
"No increase in the Dow!"
Aw, but I was so much happier then.
I'm sadder than that now.

Girls' faces formed a backward step
say, "Phony, George, you be!"
I'm dredging up the politics
of ancient history.
Fill up the courts, evangelists
must man them all, somehow!
Aw, but I was so much holier then.
I'm sinner than that now.

A self-ordained successor, Dean
he's serious, no fool.
Spouting off 'bout liberty
and equality in school.
Equality? Don't know the word.
Clinton broke wedding vow!
Aw, but I was much more moral then.
I'm so sleazier now.

In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hands
with my middle finger's reach
never knowing my Democrat enemies
think I look like that kid Screech.
My pathways led by confusion snoots.
I'm losing from stern to bow!
Aw, but I was so much stronger then.
I'm weaker than that now.

Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
from Saddam I'd predict.
Deceived you into thinking I
was the right guy to be picked.
Good and bad, I've been seen as both.
Now you're mad as a cow!
Aw, but I was so much smarter then!
I'm dumber than that now!