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Song Parodies -> "More Relations? No!"

Original Song Title:

"Desolation Row"

Original Performer:

Bob Dylan

Parody Song Title:

"More Relations? No!"

Parody Written by:

Cat

The Lyrics

Forget Major-General, American Pie, TWOTEF and all the rest. I went through utter hell to write this. And now I feel like collapsing. Well JD, you asked for it originally...now you got it. *collapses from exhaustion*
I know you’ve always been haranguing
About our pre-nuptial deals
The fears I harbor aren’t very big ones
But you know how I feel
It seems a tad bit fishier
To wed a guy like you
When you have got all these weirdo kinsmen
And they want ME in their crew!
Don’t be hurt now--I still love you
But I must let you know
How crazy I’ll be if they get me
So, more relations? No!

See that fella, he seems so sleazy
He might be your uncle (I think)
And his behavior’s downright reckless
When he’s had a drink
When last he spotted me, he whispered,
“Did you fall from heaven, hot chick?”
Had I my way, I would have broken his neck
Just like a stick
Of all morals, he’s bereft
And with the alcoholic flow
Is one more reason I will still
Say, “More relations? No!”

Now Aunt June, she’s been forbidden
From showing a semblance of glee
Her sourpuss expression
Makes it look like someone has spiked her tea
But I know she’s more than able
To deliver a snide remark
I act nice, but she quickly snaps,
“Did you dress in the dark?
Be a good American, start dressing
Like you are not some old ho-bo!”
Yet you insist that yes, I really do
Want more relations...no!

I feel ya, but there’s your brother...
For him, I pity that sap
He will argue utter trifles
And his logic flies off the map
He gets into trite semantics
In a debate or spat
Don’t you question his religion
He’ll scream at the drop of hat
And though a muzzle would be nice
Silence he won’t know
You think I’ll put up with him?
Ha! More relations, no!

Sister, she’s always robbing you
‘Cause from juvey she’s just escaped
Duct-tape shirts and fishnet pants
She will wear as people gape
Her life’s growing diminishingly vital
As she smokes ten cigarettes
Though she doesn’t talk, she’s loathsome--
She spray-painted my new Corvette!
I will not judge her by her looks
Because her hair’s dyed indigo...
But she justifies my worried claims
Of “More relations, no!”

Grandpa Phil, he’s self-assured
About his immortal claims
If he would fight a tiger
He thinks he will escape unmaimed
It’s a curse how he’s so senile
He forgets which direction is up
And I think I saw him pouring mud
Into his coffee cup
Now he thinks that the microwave is
Some new TV show
Stubborn kooks like him will drive me nuts...
Some more relations? No!

Now down the street, your hippie cousins
Are smoking weed out on the lawn
They play the Dead on full blast
And the incense fumes hang until dawn
They are still reading Abbie Hoffman
But in their beliefs, they aren’t deft...
With their now-old-fashioned attitudes,
It’s like Nixon had never left!
While their neighbor’s laughing, they wildly shout,
“Free love is the way you should go!”
Their annoyance ain’t something I need! Oh lordy...
Gah! More relations, no!

Your grandma, in her aging
Overbearing she’s become
She knitted me an overcoat
That wouldn’t fit Tom Thumb
Then she smothers me with lipstick smears
And constricts me in her hugs
But worst of all, her fruitcake...
Shoved down my throat, oh ugh!
When I’m caught in her hassles
It will only bring me woe
I’ve got these on my side (and they’re grating)
So, more relations? No!

Seems there’s a hero’s welcome
For your dad, who’s rather rich
But the way he treats you?
You don’t get a pinch!
In yen and pounds, in dollars and euros,
Rolling in the cash he’s earning
And while he ignores his family
The gasoline he’s burning
In his Italian fast sports car
He will so quickly go
But he forgets that he has some kids...
I say, “More relations, no!”

So it is clear we’ve got some issues here
How will reunions be arranged?
And unlike your unwanted presents
Your kin can’t be exchanged
These folks are as welcome to me
As a case of raging flu
I’d rather change my current places
Maybe I’ll move to Timbuktu?
But one upside--this would make
One hell of a Springer talk show!
You don’t want that? So hear me:
MORE RELATIONS? NO!
"immortal claims" refers to claims of immortality, by the way. The claims themselves aren't immortal.

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   18
 18
 18
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - April 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Don't you just hate big families, and Bob Dylan after he gave you this long, long song to parody? But great job Cat, a definate song of the month winner!!!
Jack Wilson - April 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks for the warning if I ever parody that OS, but the edn result was awesome. 5s
Phil Alexander - April 14, 2007 - Report this comment
:-D If you get the chance, have a look for Jake Thackray's "Family Tree" - all the relations you could ever want... to avoid.
John Jenkins - April 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Very well constructed and excellent conclusion.
Kristof Robertson - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
This is stupendous, Cat! Mucho kudos for tackling such a behemoth, and doing it with great aplomb. YOU RULE! 555+
stuart mcarthur - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
firstly Cat, congrats on the title sub - that's usually half the battle (or in this case maybe one eighth) - and this must have drained even your vast reserves of imagination - I loved " It’s like Nixon had never left!" and the whole thing was amazing - 555
Agrimorfee - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
One word: REMARKABLE. 555
Cat - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks SO much, guys!! You all are too kind. Man, I really earned this praise after going through that monster!
Agrimorfee - May 09, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) still REMARKABLE.
McKludge - May 10, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Ya know, I wanted to give this poor marks after you bashed one of my favorite bands, Cat, but to do so would be dishonest. This is damned impressive! Tackling this one might be the next challenge to all the top writers. 2112 5's for you!
Max Powered - May 10, 2007 - Report this comment
Hit and run 1 voter's at it again.
Raphaella So - May 19, 2007 - Report this comment
lol...
Raphaella So - May 19, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM for the comment above)
Tim Hall - May 19, 2007 - Report this comment
This is a very difficult song to parody due to the length and phrasing. I should know because I did the first Desolation Row parody on Amiright titled Fraternity Row about life in a small Ohio college town in the 1980s. However, Johnny D did even better with his version of Desolation Row title Blow the Nation's Nose. Fabulous job all around!
Matthias - May 20, 2007 - Report this comment
At the risk of being scratched by Cat, I say... "The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree." Just kidding Cat, but you must have been as crazy as your family to take on this song!
Peter Andersson - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - This type of parody is helluva fun to write, though I blow my own take on it for SOTM by making it a two month two parter. It's summoned up as one song here though: http://k1chyd.adress.eksjo.com/xanaxstilnoctandzoloft.htm
bobpiecheese - May 24, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Holy sh*te...these kinda parodies are almost guaranteed to get points from me! Well done, Cat!
Michael McVey - May 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Well, I did "Desecrate the Host" as well as a few other Dylan parodies, and you're right, they require a lot of work and tend to be underappreciated. I have to confess when I saw the title I confused "relations" with "relationships", but you're clearly referring to a deranged extended family. And doing so in your usual sardonic style :)
stuart mcarthur - May 25, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) see above, and more applause - you are the queen of invention cat and your character-developing detail is always awesome, like "They play the Dead on full blast" - and I liked the ending, but the idea in the first place, to bat back at the evil JD challenge, was the stroke of brilliance
Jason - May 28, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very good indeed.
Johnny D - May 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) BRAVO 555 TIMES! You met the challenge head-on, Cat, and thou art VICTORIOUS!
Below Average Dave - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM). . .Lordy that's a long parody. . .epic length Cat, pure Epic. . .Am I the only one that listening to the OS while reading the parody got sleepy?
Mikey Squirrel - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM- Great work on a long song, Cat. I know your stance on relations here, but does that include us, your AmIRight family? Just think of me as weird cousin Squirrel.
wannabemustangjockey - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Are you sure we aren't distantly related? My entry in last SOTM was similar in topic - but yours blows it completely away in terms of scale and difficulty.
Red Ant - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) It takes a lot to keep me interested in an OS that is over 11 minutes in length... rest assured, this parody is well more than "a lot". Really fine work, many great word subs(like "See that fella" for "Cinderella"), great title and really funny. 555
Kristof Robertson - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above. A wonderful addirtion to your wonderful parody canon. TMGLTM, but you know that already.
Jack Wilson - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
See above!
Ethan Mawyer - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Due to procrastination I don't have time to listen to the OS, and I doubt I'd be able to make it through it anyway. If the parody was recorded, it would probably have to be split into 3 or 4 parts. However, as a poem it read really well...lyrics subs don't count for much here in my opinion because it is such an obscure song among "regular" people.
Dee Range - June 05, 2007 - Report this comment
This is just fabulous, and about a subject dear to my heart, being that my family tree has only 1 branch :-). Chock full of great rhymes AND subs, this takes a back seat to no one who's done Desolation Row. And I agree about collapsing from exhaustion. I've done this twice now, and obviously need mental help :-) 555+++
Matthias - March 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Really, really, really hate the original song, but really, really, really love the parody, although it loses it's sparkle just after reading Wannabe's song about pretty much the same subject, a lot of crazy families won for SOTM this year.
littleCupCakes - March 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Quirky ditty on partying in-Laws . . . especially the male ones with their frisky paws! Hey, . . . relax have another tequila . . .
Jeff Reuben - March 31, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow, very tough OS...you need to kick back and party with some relatives after writing this one!

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