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Song Parodies -> "Hard Life For a Blonde"

Original Song Title:

"Hard Rain Gonna Fall"

Original Performer:

Bob Dylan

Parody Song Title:

"Hard Life For a Blonde"

Parody Written by:

Rick Duncan

The Lyrics

I know the scan of this won't be exact, but I had to make sacrifices to fit everything in. The original is a little scattered anyway.
Oh what have you done, my fair haired gal?
Oh what have you done, my ditzy young pal?
You've fixed your computer screen typos with whiteout
You've locked yourself in the car with yourself in it
You've been dancing with taps from the kitchen sink plumbing
You think TGIF means that your toes go in first
You use a compressor when your head needs a refill
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
And it's a hard life for a blonde

Oh, what did you eat, my light-haired gal?
Oh what did you say, my giddy young pal
You like M&Ms but won't eat the W's
You wash hair for hours, the shampoo label says re-peat
You crawl across the street when the sign says "Don't Walk"
You won't use "the Pill" because it keeps falling out
You cringe when they ask if you've been picked up by the fuzz
You cry when your license says you got an "F" in sex
Got lipstick on the steering wheel blowing the horn
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
And it's a hard life for a blonde

And what do you hear, my bleach-haired gal?
And what do you hear, my bimbo young pal?
You heard safe sex involves locking the car door
You heard drinks were on the house so you climbed on the roof
You fell out of the tree when you were raking leaves
You woke up in the morning and then you went home
You stare at the juice cause it said "concentrate"
You used acupuncture to treat hemophilia
You wore earmuffs all day just to keep out the draft
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
And it's a hard life for a blonde

And what did you see, my air- haired gal?
Oh what did you see, my dimwitted pal?
You saw donut seeds in a box of cheerios
You saw a flash of lightning then stood there and posed
You climbed over the window to see the other side
You shot an arrow into the air but somehow you missed
You won a skating gold medal and then had it bronzed
You stayed up all night studyin' for a urine test
You drink with a straw just to keep in good practice
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
And it's a hard life for a blonde

Oh, what'll you do next, my dumb-ass gal?
Oh what'll you do next, my mini-brain pal?
You took two hits of acid just to go on a round trip
You wore earmuffs all day just to keep out the draft
You sent off a fax and included the stamp
You became a veterinarian because you loved children
You put lipstick on your forehead to make up your mind
You went to drink milk but got crushed by the cow
You tiptoe past drugs to let sleeping pills lie
You have holes in your face from eating with forks

So we tell these old jokes and we mock the light-headed
They're so darn easy to fool and so easily bedded
And we'll try them in nightclubs until they start laughin'
And I'll learn every joke from all sources be liftin'
Yes, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard life for a blonde

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   2
 1
 2
 
 4   3
 3
 2
 
 5   21
 22
 22
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Ravyn Rant - January 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey now, "Mr. Highlander"...some of us were blonde as children! :) This is the ultimate blonde joke. So there can be no more.
Anonymous Blonde - January 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Stop and think about something. The blondes that are REALLY dumb are the bimbo airheads who bleach their hair! REAL blondes have brains!!
MasonR - January 24, 2005 - Report this comment
In the immortal words of Julie Brown, "I can't spell V. W. but I drive a Porsche...'cause I'm a blonde" 555!
Know 1 can hear you dream - January 24, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL! A blonde myself but there's some jokes here I haven't heard before, like "You stare at the juice cause it said "concentrate" and the one with stamps on faxes and the one with lipstick on the forehead and... and a whole lot actually. :-)
Phil Alexander - January 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Damn... this is my "Since you been blonde" on steroids, ain't it? Fantastic, Rick :-)
alvin rhodes - January 24, 2005 - Report this comment
funny...5s
Jeff Reuben - January 25, 2005 - Report this comment
I'll have to bleach my hair so I can read again and not understand it =)
2Eagle - January 26, 2005 - Report this comment
The pacing may be just a little bit off, but that's a cheerful and hilarious rendition of a rather ddrawn out dirge.
Guy - February 05, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Redneck blonds think fast food is hitting a deer at 60 MPH. Love blond jokes, Rick. Most in this parody I've heard and told but they are always fun to revisit.
Scathe - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) There are actually blonde jokes in this song that I've never heard before.
Agrimorfee - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You must own The Blond Joke Book to fill in all of those verses. Nice job.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - February 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Line after line of laughs, Rick. I particularly liked the one about the Pill. And the... hell, the whole thing was perfect.
Adagio - February 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, but it was so funny that I didn't need the OS. 5's
Claude Prez - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, Mari's a blonde, isn't she? Very funny stuff.
Rick D - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Not after this. She quickly became a brunette and suddenly could tell north from south.
Adam Eccleshall - February 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, but very funny :-)
Kristof Robertson - February 18, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Loved this, Rick! 555
Spaff.com - February 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Love it Love it Love it. Definitely a SOTM finalist. I hadn't heard most of these, but that's probably because I'm blond. Oh, and I've now heard one of these twice - I won't tell you which one and make everyone look for it. (BTW, I love Edie Brickell's cover of the original.)
Johnny D - February 21, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Clever and well-written. I'm glad you got my favorite blonde joke in there, the one about "concentrate".
John Jenkins - February 21, 2005 - Report this comment
A lot of excellent lines. Well done, Rick.
Ash - February 23, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) As a blonde, I actually found this entertaining... it symbolizes everything most real blondes aren't. It's those peroxide blondes that get you.
Tim Mayfield - February 26, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well rooted in colorful lines.
MysteryGoat - February 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS
Arwen - February 28, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM--This is FAB, Mr. Duncan...I love it...and I'm a fully functioning blonde...=)
Stuart McArthur - February 28, 2005 - Report this comment
just for sheer research alone, Rick, this dazzles - it's the "Airport" of parodies - if you don't like one gag, wait 2 seconds for the next one - 555
Jeff Reuben - February 28, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM--DKTOS, but funny as hell to read
Ethan Mawyer - February 28, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM- DKTOS but really clever... i haven't scrolled up to see if anyone said the exact same thing and i'm not planning on it.
2nz - February 28, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm trying to come up with a clever acronym for DKTOS that involves your theme, but the closest I got was 'Darling kneels to open service'. I'll keep working on it, but very funny, Rick. ALmost too funny...
carol - September 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Brunettes that are bleached are Bleached Brunettes and they are the dumbest hosebags that ever walked the Earth. Rewrite the whole thing and put the right name this time. It's all about Bleached Brunettes because they outnumber actual Blondes by eight to one. Pass it on.

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