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Song Parodies -> "My Wife Wants A Carpenter"

Original Song Title:

"If I Were A Carpenter"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bobby Darin

Parody Song Title:

"My Wife Wants A Carpenter"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

If you want a job done properly, call in a professional
My wife wants a carpenter,
Some guy she's emailing
And she told him she needed help
With screwing and nailing

Just coz I've got clumsy hands
And suck at drilling
What a cheek to ask strange men
To assist with "filling"

Wifey wants a better tool
Wifey's phoning "Steven"
I've been made to look like a fool;
The shelves are still uneven!

They're upstairs; he's working wood
And picture hanging [*apparently*]
I'd think they're up to no good
But I can hear banging...[phew!]

He's drunk all my Miller
Struts around bare chested
Where's his chisel and sanding block?
At home? You guessed it!

My wife's got a carpenter;
She's smiling and humming
Now she's said that I'll have to pay
For some brand new plumbing...

(Still upstairs, so I call her name;
She screams "I'M COMING!!!")

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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TJC - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Verrrry funny... 3 blockbusters this week (so far!)... I'm a bit worried for you Kristof... Bobby Darin might come back from the grave to pay you back for this one (with Mack's knife, of course!)...
Leigh O'Sheagh - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Great stuff. Very, very funny. Love the last line.
alvin - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
LOL...my favorite of the day
stuart mcarthur - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
just bloody hilarious, Kristof - and there's that double brain in action again - what a great idea, first brain - what perfect execution, second brain - you really are a funny dude KR - 555
Matthias - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Are there any occupations that don't get laid? Firefighters, Ninjas, Carpenters!!! I want to get hired!!!
McKludge - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Matt, we engineers have trouble...
John Jenkins - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Excellent stuff, Kristoff.
Phil Alexander - May 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Have you come across "Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead", by Ivor Biggun? Same sort of idea:
Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead
The randy handyman
He walks in when I walk out
And does a bloody sight better than ever I can
When a lady says "I'm desperate, and only your hammer will do"
Oh, Ted, he seems to understand
He comes by at their command
With his nuts held tightly in his hand
Rub, rub, hammer, hammer, bang screw

:-)
Kristof Robertson - May 18, 2007 - Report this comment
A very belated thanks to all. See, I'd left my toolbelt at the last house I.....never mind. ;-)

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