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Song Parodies -> "If I Were A Newspaper"

Original Song Title:

"If I Were A Carpenter"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bobby Darin

Parody Song Title:

"If I Were A Newspaper"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

every newspaper, every day, sheesh....hurry up, nine months!
If I were a newspaper
and I had a page free
I'd fill it up with stuff
about Britney's baby

The public has had enough
of Dubya and Cheney
they want the inside guff
...on Britney's baby

Trash that piece on income tax - and Prince Charles's lady
this just in: the latest facts - about Britney's baby

If I were a corporate wizz
or a cleaner of dunnies
I would want recent pics
of Britney's tummy

If I were a carpenter
nobody would blame me
if I took a half-hour break
to google that baby

from New York to East Xiaoping – not a soul unhappy
everyone's imagin-ing - Britney and nappies
everyone says "Go Britney!" (please make it snappy)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 28

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
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 5   28
 28
 28
 

User Comments

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AFW - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
You've given birth...to a great parody, Stuart...555
Leo Jay - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Oops! You've done it again!
Rick C - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Another gem, Stu........5's
alvin rhodes - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
i couldn't agree more...5s
Jeff Reuben - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, she IS easier on the eyes than Chaney and W =)
Johnny D - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Here's all the fives that's fit to vote.
John Barry - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Good take on the banality of "journalism."
2Eagle - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Good adaptation, but I do hope you are being sarcastic!
Stuart McArthur - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks AFW, Leo, Rick C, alvin, Jeff (but so is Bubbles the chimp)...

thanks Johnny, thanks John B, thanks 2Eagle (my preamble will leave you in no doubt)
Rod Worden - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
A rolled-up newspaper to her head would be nice! 555, Stuart!
Stuart McArthur - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
but I don't think there's anything up there to register the pain, Rod - thanks :)
Michael Pacholek - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Ironic, since Britney doesn't read newspapers, or anything else. Neither does Dubya, and he's proud of it.
Stuart McArthur - April 21, 2005 - Report this comment
so Dubya misses out on Britney's baby, Michael?....hmm, maybe he's gone so far stupid, he's gone all the way around to smart again
Kristof Robertson - April 21, 2005 - Report this comment
As the real father of Britney's baby, I object to this parody. 555
Stuart McArthur - April 21, 2005 - Report this comment
......(sniff)......are you sure it was you, Kristof???

(...but how could she lie to my face like that?)
pickle - April 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks for making up for Kevin Spacey missing this song out of his 'Beyond The Sea' movie on Darin!
Stuart McArthur - April 21, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks pickle - I didn't know about that movie, but glad I could help :)
Michael Pacholek - April 21, 2005 - Report this comment
No, you don't understand, Stuart: Dubya doesn't read newspapers (or much else), but he watches TV. That's how he finds out about Britney. When 9/11 happened, giving him the chance to make millions of people forget what a lousy "president" he was, he decided he'd had the Best Week Ever! (I don't know if you get VH1 down there, but our American readers will get the joke.)
hilaryh8er - May 12, 2005 - Report this comment
hi stewy and i was wondering why u r not responding to the hilaryh8er thing on avril and hilary please check it thnx
Stuart McArthur - May 13, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks Michael, thanks hilaryh8er....
Leo Jay - June 30, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Still as funny and pointed as a conehead.
Adagio - July 02, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05)Good, also semi-sweet. 5's
Stuart McArthur - July 02, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks Leo

thanks Adagio - but to use the word "sweet" in any form about this parody is to misunderstand my bitter intentions ;-)
Adagio - July 03, 2005 - Report this comment
No, no, no, Stu, I did not misunderstand your message. I called it semi-sweet, because the OS itself lent a gentleness which you wouldn't want. (I'm always affected by the OS itself).
Ethan Mawyer - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC - If i had a newspaper, it would endorse this parody
Phil Alexander - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
I've done the occasional satire on the press and tabloid "journalism", so I can really appreciate this one :-)
Agrimorfee - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) DKTOS, but was amusing.
Red Ant - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(I-05) I'm seldom at a loss for words on a parody but everyone has taken all the Britney puns I could think of. Let's just hope Britney isn't "Makin' babies all the time".
Rich Kapalin - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Any song that says "The public has had enough of Dubya and Cheney" HAS to get all 5's!
Arwen - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC--I don't give a damn about Britney or her baby...but I'm not ashamed to admit that I buy the celebrity gossip magazines like they're going out of style...so, I suppose that if I were a newspaper, I would do the same thing...
Mikey Squirrel - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) I wonder if it's better to be a newspaper with Britney crap all over it, or a newspaper at the bottom of a cage with bird crap all over it... eh, either way... Tri-Fives.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
What's black and white and red all over? Britney's baby upon realising it's father is Eminem! Amusing work, Stu. I've just started "Born: Now Change My Nappy" to the old Britney song "Born To Make You Happy"... 'old' being from 1999.
Kristof Robertson - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm still annoyed at Federline for claiming parenthood on little Trailertrash Jr.....but this is still way cool!
Johnny D - July 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Got newsprint? ARRRHHH, wash yer hands, matey! ;-)
Dee Range - July 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(I) Missed this when it came out....your usual stellar work, even though I resent you google-ing...or ogle-ing...my future ex-wife. I'll let it slide this time :-)
Stuart McArthur - July 12, 2005 - Report this comment
future ex-wife - LOL!!
Scathe - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC-I) Awesome spoof, Stu. However, if I had to choose between an article about Cheney and Dubya and an article about Britney, I would just flip to the comics. I don't hold either of them in high regard.
Rick C - July 14, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) See above (Still wanna see Britney in nappies)
Adam Eccleshall - July 16, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Great song :-)
martha - July 17, 2005 - Report this comment
a trenchant comment on contemporay news values..
Jeff Reuben - July 17, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS, I guess the song is old news. But funny!
MysteryGoat - July 18, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) DKTOS or singer, but this was a real good read.
hilaryh8er - August 03, 2005 - Report this comment
hi

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