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Song Parodies -> "Happiness: An Assault Gun"

Original Song Title:

"Happiness Is a Warm Gun"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Happiness: An Assault Gun"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

He’s not a churl who misses much

He’s well acquainted
with the touch of a trigger hand
that can rip ’em and cause deathly pain

Mow down a crowd
with a multimagazine surge
got on combat boots


Lying all the time
while his scam is busy
working overslime

His sole obsession is that rife
assault weapons replace the
pistol, blunderbuss


He gets his kicks out there mowing down
crowds of the helpless, ’cause he seeks renown
he gets his kicks out of mowing down.


Motherf’ LaPierre loves the gun
Motherf’ LaPierre loves to gun
Motherf’ LaPierre shtups his gun

Happiness, an assault gun
(bang bang shoot shoot )
Happiness an assault gun, yes it is
(bang bang shoot shoot)


When he blows you ’way, he’s warm (oh yeah!)
when he feels his finger on the trigger (oh yeah!!)
he knows that he’s gonna cause a firestorm

Happiness, an assault gun (waste ’em!)
Happiness, an assault gun (yes it is!!)
Happiness, an assault gun (yes it is!!)
Happiness, an assault—yes it is—
Well don’t you know that happiness, an assault gun—
kill ’em, yeah!!!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.4
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   1
 3   1
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Callmelennie - January 11, 2013 - Report this comment
Reminds of me of the Beatles anti-gun control 45 with "Happiness is a Banned Gun" on one side and "Ban on The Gun" on Side B
Patrick - January 11, 2013 - Report this comment
When was the last time a murderer was hanged? Why were there not 500+ executions in Chicago last year? It's time to force the administration to stop pretending that this debate is about crime. They are up to something no good, and they want the public disarmed before it happens. Will Obama, Pelosi, Reid, et al order their agents to turn in any firearm or weapon not allowed to the ordinary peasant? If not, they have nothing valid to say on the subject.
Rob Arndt - January 11, 2013 - Report this comment
555 for the parody but somethings don't sit right with me on this topic. Most of the people that complain about assault weapons have never owned or shot any and also do not know the difference between a sporting firarm and a real assault weapon. A sporting rifle has no selector switch to vary ROF, no flash suppressor, no bayonet mount, no threaded barrel for suppressors, and low mags, semi-auto fire ONLY! A true assault weapon has all of the above, with a high capacity mag, and fully automatic fire. Hell, you can go into most sport shops and buy a range of clones that fire semi-auto .556 or 7.62mm (even .22LR) but they are NOT assault weapons by any true standard and converting them is illegal already as well as owning them. Even if all these types were banned a killer could still masaacre with a hunting rifle in HIGHER calibers like .300, .308, and .338LM or use shotguns and wheelguns in .357-.50 cal. Since "The Hunger Games" compound cam and wheel bows as well as crossbow sales have risen dramatically too!!! And edged weapons have never been deadlier. Add chemical and electrical weapons for self-defense too that can be used offensively. I think you get my point. Maybe mental illness needs to be better documented and violent TV shows, movies, and video games cut back. And Patrick is right- taking away these arms from legal law-abiding citizens only gives more power to the Police, Feds, drug cartels, and career criminals. I feel sorry for the women and children killed in random massacres, but would never substitute one group for another. Firearms have saved the lives of more people armed with them against criminals than the number of those massacred combined in all incidents. No one has the right to deny a US citizen the right to bear arms.
Old Man Ribber - January 12, 2013 - Report this comment
One bombing JAB? Inexcusable! Is this amiright or the way HuffPost treats conservatives? John and Michael Pacholek are honorable leftists (a confliction in terms?) and deserve respect for their skills. As THE most despised author on this site, I'll say "Get off his case, potato face!" ;D
Lifeliver - January 12, 2013 - Report this comment
As I said about your other similarly-themed parody today, I don't really want to buy in to the issue, only to say there's a huge difference between Rob's carefully reasoned, well-informed comment above and the hateful crap that went down on your other parody. It's one of those cans of worms like abortion, gay marriage, the death penalty, where consensus can probably never be reached. There are primal emotive elements, not to mention keenly-held fundamental ideological principles at play. I'll stick to Mary Poppins.

That said, this OS is a gift for your theme and it's amazing it hasn't been used this way before (probably has). I wish you would have continued it with its companion piece, 'Bungalow Bill'. Have some 555s to even the score, not that you need them.
Callmelennie - January 12, 2013 - Report this comment
You may be the most despised of all time, OMR, but I think I have the honor of penning the most despised tune of 2012. One of my tunes last year, "My Barney Does The Franky Panky" was subjected to a seven 1-bomb sortie by the Amiright Left-waffe.
Rob Arndt - January 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Following this song thread, I am perplexed by several statements. 1) WHY is OMR the most despised parodist? 2) WHY would CML's song be any different from any of the other political and social parodies that get bombed, and 3 not on this thread)- WHY do almost all of Max Powers' parodies deserve an automatic 1-bombing no matter how good??? Been here almost 2 years by April 1st and don't understand. I write probably the most morbid parodies here with other topics no one wants to touch (including massacres and Nazism) and usually get 5s for them... go figure...!!! JAB's works are awesome and creative, so 555s from me to him 4evR :)
Lifeliver - January 13, 2013 - Report this comment
@Rob: I have no answers to your questions but I may be able to shed some light on scores for Max Power's more recent parodies. I have been known to mark him down quite severely, especially on his 'Love Me Do' sequence, specifically for fundamental grammar and spelling errors, and on each occasion explained carefully why I did so, while also giving encouragement, and on one of them I even fived him. That's not the same as one-bombing, though.

To tell the truth, I was surprised to discover later how many parodies he had under his belt. The quality I saw didn't reflect that. It could be that he's quite young, whereas I have decades of professional writing behind me (says he modestly), so perhaps I'm a little too critical, but I've seen potential there too and said so. My ratings relate strictly to the fine art of parody and are never meant to be taken too personally. If there are personal issues involved, I tend to just abstain and move on. If I want to vote on what I think is an objectionable one in terms of content, I'll at least try to be fair about the pacing, so they might get a 3-1-1, but it's vary rare for me to give straight ones. Some of the one bombs I've had are baffling and I can only assume they're ideologically-based. If I vote severely I'll always offer an explanation.

I don't know if Max hates me or not but he never visits my work. Umm, hi Max! As it happens, we're both in for December's SOTM. Now that should be interesting!
CryHavoc - January 13, 2013 - Report this comment
CallMeLennie, they wouldn't even post my Barney Frank parody lol. As I have said before, I will say again. Laws will never stop the lawless; they only interfere wioth the law abiding who have a RIGHT to protect themselvbes against the lawless. The school was chosen because the shooter knew that no one would be there to stop him. If the Second Amendment is abro0gaterd or somehow eviscerated, a second Civil War will not be long in coming.

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