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Song Parodies -> "Hell, I’m 64!"

Original Song Title:

"When I'm Sixty-Four"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Hell, I’m 64!"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I suspect I’m the oldest contributor to the site. Couldn’t resist the obvious, as of 3/1.
I’ve gotten old; I’m losing my hair. . .
Many years gone down.
I can’t get it up without the Blue Pill line;
Birthday grieving: sobbing I whine.
I can’t stay out till quarter to three
Looking for a score.
Will you please knead me? These ills impede me
Now I’m 64.
I have old-man rue.
And when you say some words,

I cannot gambol—vertebrae fused,
Discs once tight are gone.
I get cold sweats when I awake in the night;
Wake in morning and feel like shite.
Stewed in the garden, smoking some weed,
Self-medicate for
All the joint creaking—shit! I am leaking
Now I’m 64.

Gotta gum the soft foods such as cottage
Cheese or maybe have a bagel-less schmear. . .
In dentition’s caved.
Arthritis in the knees—
“Femur’s fucked!” I’ve raved.

Venting these gross farts after some wine.
Skating? Can’t pursue.
Incontinent nightly as well as in day.
I do fear I’m wasting away.
Can’t be a dancer, can’t make the form—
I would be so sore!
I was once 6’ 3”, but now I’m pixie-sized
At 3-foot four.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Peter Andersson - March 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Youth is wasted on the young you know...
Porfle Popnecker - March 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Great song for the old at heart!
Rob Arndt - March 02, 2012 - Report this comment
555 fond memories!
Callmelennie - March 02, 2012 - Report this comment
You've given me something to look forward to, JAB
LilCougarCakes - March 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Sir, this is your best write ever! ! . . . In my mind you shall always be that ' Pirate oLore' of only 44 . . . So please 'go easy' this weekend, Sir, and may it be smooth sailing aboard the HMS SirSweaty !
LilHoSeas - March 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Pices to my Scorpio . . . . a la "Bruce & Demi" . . ." Dick & Liz ". . . great combination for love on the HiSeas, SirSweaty!
The AmIRighteous Brothers - March 02, 2012 - Report this comment
My brother Debon and I, although we're way, way down on the list of contributors and haven't posted in quite a while, both happen to have been born prior to 3/1/1948. And I recently noticed some comments that would lead me to believe that one of the more frequent contributors to the site is at least 70 years old. That having been said, Debon and I both appreciated the humorous sentiments in this great work of art, and between the two of us have experienced most of the conditions expressed therein. Wishing you sufficient lung power to blow out the 555 candles on the virtual bithday cake we send your way! Best regards - Derry.
Stanley - March 02, 2012 - Report this comment
You forgot the line ------------------------------- Will you still love me when I am Sixty Four That, all there is Never mind all that other stuff
Debon - March 02, 2012 - Report this comment
I echo Derry's comment - nice to see another 60's guy here. The maladies in your song are sad but true for many of us, but there is always humor.
Glen S - March 06, 2012 - Report this comment
At least your parody skills seem to age like wine. Very funny John. And congrats on 64. 'In dentition’s caved' and 'I was once 6’ 3”, but now I’m pixie' stood out to me

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