At Jenny Craig's there is a model in a photograph
Who says that if you pay you might just look like me
And all the women waddle in to see
Unreality

At the counter is a chart that measures body fat
And the exercising bikes get heavy use
The instructors want no lame excuse
From the very loud--hefty crowd

Jenny Craig is on my lips and on my thighs
Swear that soon they'll buy a smaller size
And fit in
Meanwhile back

At Jenny Craig's there is a figure that is hourglass
And in her pocket is the proof that she was big
I seems she learned how not to be a pig
Here in Jenny's brig

(Tuba solo just like trumpet solo-only five octaves down)

Jenny Craig is on my hips and on my thighs
No more cake and chocolate pies
A bummer--meanwhile back

Behind the counter is the box that holds disclaimer forms
The pretty nurse is weighing bodies on the scale
And though she knows that most of them will fail
It's another sale

At Jenny Craig the lady sheds another couple pounds
We see a woman waiting for the weight machine
She hopes that someday she'll be trim and lean
Be like anyone--not half a ton

Jenny Craig is on my hips and on my thighs
Swear that soon they'll be a smaller size
And fit in

Jenny Craig!