Why are you wearin' that?
It burns my eyes, you see
One thing I'm sure of, man
Is this: don't wear those pants, trust me
They're hideous, it's plain to see
I'm, like, du-u-ude
Don't wear those pants, trust me

My first reason: they're too tight
You don't need each butt cheek and ball outlined
Circulation's ain't what they've got in mind
Oh, need to rummage in your closet
And pick out another
No, not those ones
That pair is so damn baggy
You'll fly with the slightest wind

So go and put those back
Inside your drawers, you see
There's no way you can dance
If you wear those crap pants, so please
Put some thought into your choice, geez
I'm, like, du-u-ude
Don't wear those pants, trust me

I'm sure you have a plain pair of jeans
That aren't in shreds, look a mess, change those, please
No, not for those, they're purple and neon green
What now, are you tryna be a hipster?
Or a knockoff Riddler?
Once more, facepalm
At your choice in leg wrappin's
Can't we just stay home instead?

But no, you insist, man
On standin' next to me
Wearin' those dated jams
Please, man, don't wear those pants, trust me
They're not as cool as you think, please
I'm, like, du-u-ude
Don't wear those pants, trust me

Those colours hurt

We're the same size
Last time I checked, I'm beggin'
Just borrow mine
Cause yours are all crap
"I don't see harm
Havin' weird tastes in fashion"
Holy crap, are you that dense?

I just might vomit, man
If you wear dungarees
That are half-smeared in cack
I beg don't wear those pants, trust me
Not doin' this because of me
It's for you-ou-ou
Don't wear those pants
You'll look like such a twat
If you wear those things, geez
Wear shorts or a skirt, man
Just please don't wear those pants, you see
You will go down in history
As a foo-oo-ool
Don't wear those pants, trust me

Du-u-ude, don't wear those pants, trust me
Du-u-ude, don't wear those pants, trust me