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Song Parodies -> "The Grill"

Original Song Title:

"The Hills"

Original Performer:

The Weeknd

Parody Song Title:

"The Grill"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Part of my "50 Shades of Pop" self-challenge. Dude can't cook - specifically, he can't cook meat without burning the everloving crap out of it.

One thing that I know is that I'm so-so
At this cooking thing, can't do it solo
Need some help, cause otherwise the rump roast
Will not look a thing like the cookbook's photo
Scared of undercooking, that's a good goal
But that means my meals are mostly charcoa-oal
You'll find nothing edible in my bowls
Don't pull any "not bad" from your arsehole

Whether inside the kitchen or outside
I always fail hard when I try to fry
It doesn't matter if it's cow meat or sheep meat
It gets burned up, more than crispy
It's all burned up, super crispy, yeah
Honestly, I don't know why I still try
I make a mess of cooking ev'ry-ytime
Because I always burn the cow meat and sheep meat
Always burned up 'til it's crispy
It's all burned up, can't cook for beans, ma-ate

Heard that you don't want pink in the middle
Stop telling me such a thing is simpl-le
Cause I never know how much oil to use
Should I use just a dribble or let it flow?
See, I could be cooking strips in a pan
Or giant steaks all bordered with fat
Chops that still have bones in or small chunkle-ets
I'm gonna ruin them all, so much for lu-u-unch

Whether I use the barbecue outside
Or if I've got the kitchen fan on high
I'm gonna fail to cook the cow meat, the sheep meat
Burn it all up 'til they're crispy
Burn the lot up, super crispy, yeah
I've been attempting this for all my life
I end up getting takeout ev'ry-ytime
Because I always burn the cow meat and sheep meat
Burn the chops up 'til they're crispy
All steaks burned up, hate to waste meat, ma-ate

Grill's on fire, the grill's on fi-i-i-ire
I told you I su-uck, I told you I su-u-u-u-uck
Ow, my eyes (ow, my eyes)
Smoke's in my eye-eye-eye-eye-eye-eyes (stings my eye-eye-eyes, hu-urts, buddy)
Why can't you (why can't you-ou?), for o-once (why can't you-ou-ou?)
Make the foo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ood (why can't you-ou-ou?)?

I'm sick of burning the steaks all the time
Why is the turn to cook food always mine?
You've said before you can cook cow meat and sheep meat
Won't burn them up quite unlike me
Won't get burned up, super crispy, yeah
Are you lazy? Did I forget a slight?
Or do you just want fast food ev'ry-y night?
Say so, then I won't waste the cow meat and sheep meat
Come on, own up, say you're lazy
Cause I'm sick of chops so crispy, ma-ate

Dunno how bad it is health-wise to eat burnt meat, though I know from experience the danger of raw meat (raw chicken --> bout of the shits --> Guillain-Barré syndrome which could've stopped my breathing had I not gotten the slap-the-antibodies-upside-the-head goo in me fast enough).

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Pacing: 4.1
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Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 8

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