Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Can't Wield That Mace"

Original Song Title:

"Can't Feel My Face"

Original Performer:

The Weeknd

Parody Song Title:

"Can't Wield That Mace"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "50 Shades of Pop" self-challenge. An adventurer tries to take a quest from some sort of quest-giver...but he's not happy with one of the conditions...
As a swordsman I'm the best, you see, can cleave a fly in half
Whether standard size, as long as me or double-bladed, bud
So why won't you let me use a sword? I'll get the mission done
With one blo-ow, yeah, just one blo-ow
A sword is too go-ory? I doubt it
Won't make a good sto-ory? I'm sure
Say there's an ove-erflow of swordsmen?
Tryna force my wea-eapon choice, it blows, oh, oh, ooh

I can't wield that mace you want me to-o
Just a bludgeon used for bludgin' foe-oes
I can't wield that mace you want me to-o
I'm not budgin' on that bludgeon, no-o

What's your big problem with archery? Two arrows, job is done
I'd be happy with an axe or three, but you say no? That's dumb
I'm not up on magic bullshit cause it keeps blowin' me u-up
But it's so-o (yeah, it's so-o) much less gau-au-au-auche
Than to whack a cu-udgel on some git
Seems a bit too fo-orceful, but no-o
You just won't let me-e go and kill shit
Without this crap wea-eapon, it still blows (uh), oh (uh), oh (uh), ooh

I can't wield that mace you want me to-o
Don't like bludgeons, don't like bludgin' foe-oes
I can't wield that mace you want me to-o (I can't wield that ma-ace)
I'm not budgin' (I ain't budgin')
On this subject, no-o (I won't wield that mace)
I can't wield that mace you want me to-o (not my style, dude)
I won't bludgeon (I won't bludgeon, yeah)
You curmudgeon (damn curmudgeon), no-o (I won't wield that mace)
I can't wield that mace you want me to-o (I just can't, dude)
I can't function (I can't function)
With a bludgeon (with a bludgeon), no-o

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
May be actin' stu-upid about this
Not really impo-ortant, I know
But you can't say "do-on't thro-ow (do-on't thro-ow) a tantrum"
When you kinda thre-ew o-one of your own, oh, oh
Ooh

I can't wield that mace you want me to-o (sword, yes, but no mace)
There's no budget (got no budget, yeah)
So don't worry (about money, yeah), no-o
I can't wield that mace you want me to-o (not gonna use a mace, nah)
You're not budgin' (you ain't budgin')
What's your problem (your big problem), bro-o? (I won't wield that mace)
I can't wield that mace you want me to-o (what's wrong with you?)
I can't bludgeon (I can't bludgeon, yeah)
No skull crushin' (line, that's crossin'), no-o (I won't wield that mace)
I can't wield that mace you want me to-o (that I won't do) (let me kill my way, jerk)
There's no reason (there's no reason, mate)
That you're givin' (none that you're givin', mate), no-o
So give me a break

Uh
Uh, uh, ah
Uh, uh, hey

Jury's out on whether warhammer's are okay or not. Maces are generally more pointy than hammers, so that'd be more needlessly violent than just a straight thwack on the head. Also: why is the best The Weeknd song the lowest on the Billboard list? Yeah, it's #12, but still.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.
 

Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 27

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   2
 2
 2
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   24
 24
 24
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: http://www.amiright.com/parody/2010s/theweeknd1.shtml For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 1313