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Song Parodies -> "They're Smarties"

Original Song Title:

"We're Artists"

Original Performer:

The Antipoet

Parody Song Title:

"They're Smarties"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

I realize that pretty much everybody on this site (apart from Kristof, who I know has seen them once) will have no idea who The Antipoet are.. yet they are (in my humble opinion) one of the best live poetry acts around at the moment. The OS can be seen & heard here - there aren't many of the videos that really do them justice, but they're worth watching anyway.
They're Smarties!
They've got a chocolate composition
You can't use them to get wasted
Or to lower your inhibition
Just 'cause I'm partial
To my sugar-coated treats
I shouldn’t really have to
Prove to you they're really only sweets

What gave you the idea
This confectionary
Is banned under category
A or B or C?
It's not like red ones are acid
Or blue ones get you down
Or yellow ones are scared
Of Smarties that are brown

And why can't you tell
That it isn't crystal meth
I've still got (nearly) all my teeth,
You can't smell it on my breath
And would I be asking
A policeman to get 'em in
If I wanted methyline-
Dimethoxy methamphetamine?

(I tell you) They're Smarties!
They've got a chemical composition
That won't drug the people senseless
Or set off nuclear fission
And Smarties are special!
They're like sugar-hits on tap
They are not M&Ms
(Foul-tasting American crap)

So, Constable, give it up, now
Tell me "Move along"
Look, they're not even viagra:
The colour & shape's all wrong
So do you need teaching?
Do I really need to impart:
Smartie & grass
Like elbow and arse
Are things that're easy to tell apart

And tell me, what have I done
That has caused so much affront?
Is Smartie-eating such a crime
You had to stop me, Cont-
Stable? Is this new strain
Of chocolate just too strong?
It's not as though you've seen me
Putting my Smarties in a bong

They're Smarties!
They've got a chocolate composition
And to keep me here indefinitely's
A serious imposition
Because they're chocolate
They've been that all along
You shouldn’t really have to
Prosecute me to show you're wrong
You shouldn’t really have to
Prosecute Ian to show you're wrong
...but you have

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   3
 5   6

User Comments

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Andy Primus - October 05, 2010 - Report this comment
Don't know The Antipoet, but this was a funny read. Especially liked the way you worked in the old cont-stable gag.
Old Man Ribber - October 05, 2010 - Report this comment
Here in the Colonies, the confection called Smarties are tiny (about 1 cm in diameter and 1/2 cm in thickness) hard sugar discs which come in a celephane-wrapped roll of 16 or 20. They have assorted fruit or cream flavors (never chocolate) in each roll and are meant to be sucked at first (chewing them too early causes major dental damage). Like so many other things ( I am a shameless Anglophile), your Smarties sound much better! But then again, so do your parodies. 5-5-5! ;D
Phil Alexander - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
:-) Thanks for dropping in when (not entirely surprisingly) you'd not come across The Antipoet.. I'm planning on performing this one suppored by their inimitable bass player - there's a link in the bit above the parody if you'd like to have a listen.

OMR - always assumed that our "Smarties" were the only ones - a bit like M&Ms, only far tastier, they're chocolate with a crisp sugar coating - about the same size as the ones you have.
Mark Scotti - November 15, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You get fives for this just for describing the candy whose factory was located in the industrial center next to my high school!!!
Matthias - November 18, 2010 - Report this comment
Wow! Awesome band... Need to check out more of their stuff. Almost goth in a way. Which totally works with the topic making it a great Halloween parody. Can't believe you did a fairly epic song about Smarties though...
Chris Bodily TM - November 18, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, and I only know of American Smarties... like the aforementioned candy, Bill Gates and Stephen Hawking's voice. I was a little lost on the pacing, too fast. But I managed to get some good laughs out of it. These guys are the Eddie Van Halens of spoken-word shredding. 455
Below Average Dave - November 22, 2010 - Report this comment
I like the original myself, very talented individuals, a little rough on the pacing for me--but I love Smarties. . .fun idea
Peter Andersson - November 28, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm guessing this one was somehow inspired by the Amiright front page top story about the refound Van Halen backstage list "outlawing" the brown ones...
Phil Alexander - November 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks, all :-)

Mark - you had a school next to a Smarties factory? Damn, I'm envious..

Matthias - The Antipoet *are* awesome, especially live, but check out - you can buy their CD there (as well as mine ;-) )

Chris - I performed this with Ian on bass last week (following straight on from the original) - while not completely syllable-for-syllable, it does hit 99% or more of them

Dave - check out some more of their stuff, they really are that good :-)

Peter - no, inspired by nothing more than listening to the OS too many times. Always happens when I hear the same tunes repeatedly.
bobpiecheese - November 29, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Interesting OS choice, awesome parody. Lots of great lines, though my fave has to be "Smartie & grass/Like elbow and arse/Are things that're easy to tell apart". Also, I love Smarties! I could just eat them all day if I had enough. 555!
Mike J - November 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Clueless warriors in the war on some drugs are always rich parody fodder! Nice job!
Jeff Reuben - November 30, 2010 - Report this comment
I was thrown by the second line...smarties composed of chocolate? Wondering if I missed something, the rest of the song seems like the Smarties I know and love. Well done, and no, haven't heard of the OS group :)

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