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Song Parodies -> "They Will Never Ever Ever Quit About The Weather"

Original Song Title:

"We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"

Original Performer:

Taylor Swift

Parody Song Title:

"They Will Never Ever Ever Quit About The Weather"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

*sigh*... I know, ANOTHER parody of this rather annoying song. Sorry about that - if it's any comfort, it hurt me at least as much as it might hurt you...

It was inspired by the RIDICULOUS level of hysteria our media have started injecting into our weather forecasts in the last few years or so. They now have a system of COLOUR-CODED WARNINGS (like the ones for terrorist attacks) for things like.. rain. And wind. And snow - oh GOD! - the SNOWWW!!!! Places like Canada and Sweden can have two feet of snow and still carry on with their lives. We get a warning of UP TO EIGHT INCHES of snow ON HIGH GROUND and supermarket shelves get stripped of bread and milk thanks to hysterical panic-buying. They can fly planes in and out of Antarctica... the UK gets an inch or two of 'impacted snow that's turned to ice' and Heathrow shuts down. If you believe the UK weather media bods, you'd think we lived in some kind of Climate Hades!

And here - if you can stand the pain - is the link to the original song.

I remember when we would say – with a sigh -
‘What’s the weather gonna do today? The sky
Looks overcast and just a little grey, well I
Live in the UK. Duh!’
Now it’s all supposed to make us scream, hellish!
Met Office is our Weather Warning Team, tell us
When did going out get so extreme?
Oh god – it’s raining! It’s snowing! It’s humid! It’s blowing!

Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-oohh…
It’s Code Red ‘cos the ice is black
So yooou, ooh-ooh ooh-ooh…
Can’t drive – you might not ever make it back!

They… will never ever ever… quit about the weather
They-ee… are generating terror… ‘bout the British weather
They all talk the talk, say ‘You can’t walk it’s minus three!’
Well they-ee… should really pull themselves together… ‘cos it’s only weather

(Just…. weather!)

‘The rain will be severe’ is what they quote – oh shit!
Might have to be rescued in a boat – or it
Could just mean that I need to wear a coat
I might… take my puffa jacket then at least I’ll float…

Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-oohh…
Oh where the hell is that snowplough?
‘Cos oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-oohh…
Look here – the snow’s up to my ankles now!

We… can never ever ever… quit about the weather
We-ee… are gonna be forever… terrified of weather
There’ll be talk of heatwaves all through August, wait and see (wait and see!)
‘Cos they-ee… will never ever ever ever… quit about the weather!

Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-oohh… (Storm!) Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-oohh-ooh… (Sleet!)
Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-oohh… (Warm!) Oh ohhh….

I used to think… I knew about weather, weather
Now I need a shrink… put me together…
‘Uggghh… so there’s yellow, red and orange, it makes no sense,
These new grades, they’re just – I mean it’s just confusing, you know, like
Why’s it never only bloody weather?
Like ever?

(Noooo!!!)

They… will never ever ever… quit about the weather!
They-ee… obsess on it forever… ev’ry kind of weather
When they talk it sounds like the Apocalypse to me
When reall-y… it’s only ever ever ever… just some British weather

(Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-oohh… ooohh….) Quit about the weather!
Plee-ease! (Ooh-ooh ooh-oohh…) Ohh!!! Pull yourselves together!
Other countries have it worse than us you must agree (constantly!)
Hey-ee… let’s say a really big ‘Whatever’… to the British weather

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Pacing: 5.0
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Total Votes: 7

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Old Man Ribber - February 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Wendy - Weather or not, I really like this. Here (the northernmost point in Kentucky near Cincinnati Ohio), predictions of snow always set off a wave of panic buying at local supermarkets. One of my former students recently burst into the local grocery screaming "Is it too late to get the bread and milk???". ;D
John Lomain - February 15, 2013 - Report this comment
This was hilarious and so true. DKTOS but the title sounds hilarious, only just heard about it recently. The weather channel here in the US is even worse
TJC - February 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Excellent, Wendy—*perfect* use of that self-indulgent OS—Swiftly fly these 5's!
Callmelennie - February 15, 2013 - Report this comment
I think the need to push the Climate Change agenda is behind a lot of this; so that every time some even mildly unusual weather event occurs it's trumped up into something unprecedented to support the "theory" that the climate is gyrating out of control
Rob Arndt - February 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Well done Wendy-555! As for the climate, I'm a REP and in no way support global warming at all. The earth has gone through similar cycles of hot and cold for supposed millions of years- long before there was any industry, car pollution, greenhouse gases, or nuke tests in the atmosphere. It could be getting warmer over the decades or even centuries and then- boom!- another ice age... so Al Gore made a nice fiction movie :)~
AFW - February 16, 2013 - Report this comment
Good one....but, complaining about the weather is good conversational fodder for old farts, like me...In "49" we had unblievable snow and blizzards all winter, in the midwest
Michael Pacholek - February 16, 2013 - Report this comment
Everybody complains about the weather, but you wrote a parody about it. And climate change is real, and anybody who says it isn't is a liar.
Wendy Christopher - February 16, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the lovely comments everyone!:^)

@Rob: Yep, I don't think humans can take ALL the blame for climate change either. We can cut our emissions and go all eco-friendly if we like - and it might help a bit - but ultimately if Mother Nature decides she wants to bake the Earth like a potato or freeze it like a popsicle she's just gonna go ahead and do it, like she's done it every now and then any number of times in the past. And when (not if) she does, we'll adapt or die, like other species that came and went (or stayed) before us. Aren't I a cheerful soul today? ;^)
Callmelennie - February 16, 2013 - Report this comment
Hey Mike, that's what you folks said about anyone who denied that "Global Warming" was real -- that they were idiots or liars. Then about a year ago, everyone stopped talking about Global Warming and suddenly the crisis du jour is "Climate Change" So whatever became of Global Warming and the rise of the oceans? It would appear that those folks who were skeptical of the whole thing were right all along, weren't they; why else would you have dropped "Global Warming" like a hot potato? And now you're up to the same old tricks trying to shout down skeptics of "Climate Change"
Al Silver - February 17, 2013 - Report this comment
According to NASA's Goddard Institute, the highest yearly global temperatures occurred in 13 of the past 15 years. Recording began in 1880. The highest yearly temperature in the continental U.S. occurred in 2012. Record-keeping for the U.S. began in 1895. You can call this a blip, or you can heed the overwhelming unanimity of scientists that global warming (or, generally, climate change) tracks carbon emissions. Many of those who deny this are offended at the idea put forth by elitist, atheistic scientists that God does not have sole dominion over the heavenly canopy He created. Many have financial stakes in fossil fuels. The rest simply belong to the species Boobus Americanus.
Callmelennie - February 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Or perhaps one can heed the report by the British Met (Meteorology) office that states that the the rise in global temperatutres stopped in 1997 and shows no signs of rising at least until 2017, which of course contradicts The Goddard Institute. Which no doubt means that the British Met must be wrong because after all, this is the data that warming skeptics, who have been called boobs and idiots by people who have no background in science all, believe. I mean, that's the true scientific method, isn't it?
Al Silver - February 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Many critics have said that The Daily Mail cherry picked the Met data to declare a plateau in temperature rise. Let's hear directly from the British Met: "the 1990s were warmer than the 1980s, and the 2000s were warmer than both. Eight of the top ten warmest years have occurred in the last decade," and over the last 140 years global surface temperatures have climbed by about 0.8ºC. But let's assume that global warming will set in around 2017 -- four years from now. Are we off the hook? I have a background in science. The atmosphere is not an infinite sink. The greenhouse effect is real. You can't dump enormous amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere without consequence.
The "Scientific" Community - February 17, 2013 - Report this comment
In other news, the climate is CHANGING! As we all know, it's never done that before. Oh, and WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! QUICK, GIVE ALL YOUR MONEY TO SOCIALISTS!!! NOW! DO IT NOW!!! BEFORE NATURE ALMIGHTY SMITES THEE, OH UNBELIEVING HEATHENS! DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND SUCK US OFF, OR THOU SHALT BE SMITED!
Barry J. Mitchel - February 18, 2013 - Report this comment
After 71 views, only 10 unique commenters and 6 votes (before me). Reminds me of typical local election turnouts, where most who benefit don't bother. Hey guys, the satire was about hysterical short-term forecasting.

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