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Song Parodies -> "We Are Never Ever Getting Back The Precious (from LOTR:OMG!)"

Original Song Title:

"We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"

Original Performer:

Taylor Swift

Parody Song Title:

"We Are Never Ever Getting Back The Precious (from LOTR:OMG!)"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

Another one to add to the collection - this one is more for the purpose of fleshing out Gollum/Smeagol and the whole thing about his(their) split personality, so the plot doesn't zip along quite as fast. According to the way my imaginary auditions have been going so far, this means Taylor Swift should be playing Gollum, but, quite frankly, I'm not having that. She'd be RUBBISH (even if she does appear to have the slightly unhinged stroppiness thing down pat, judging by the video to this OS...) So Andy Serkis and the CGI boys will be reprising the role, but doing a cover version.

And here, for your - um, 'delight,' is a link to the original song..

We remembers Baggins is a crook – HE CHEATS US!
‘Cos it was the Precious that he took – defeats us!
He riddles us and baits us on a hook
TRICKS US, STOLE IT FROM US – YESS! Noooo!
Now two other hobbitses is here – LIARS!
And yes we feels the Precious very near – by us
And does they know it makes you disappear?
We says – we wants it – WE TAKES IT! WE NEEDS IT! We hates it!

Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-ooohh
But Master’s Smeagol’s bestest friend…
NOT TRUE! OOH-OOH 00H-000HH
HE LIES, HE HURTS US AND HE JUST PRETENDS!

We… are never ever ever… getting back the Precious!
He-ee… endeavours he will never… give us back the Precious!
We told tricksy hobbits-es we wants it desp’rately
But they-ee.. will never ever ever ever… give us back the Precious!

NOT… EVER!

But Master might agree to what we say – if we
Gets the stupid fat one out the way - maybe
He doesn’t really like us anyway – let’s see
Spider queen might be hungry, hooray!

Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-ooohh
Wish Smeagol could be left alone…
BUT YOU, OOH-OOH 00H-000HH
NEEDS ME, YOU COULDN’T MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN!

We… must be ever so clever… getting back the Precious
We-ee… are ever bound together… pretty much forever
YOU’RE A THIEF, A LIAR AND A MURDERER YOU SEE (BOUND TO ME!)
So we-ee… are never ever ever ever… getting back the Precious!

Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-ooohh, (No!) ooh, ooh-ooh ooh-ooohh-oohh (YESS!)
Oooh, ooh-ooh ooh-ooohh…. (No!) Oh, ohhhh….

I used to be… a hobbit so clever, clever…
BUT NOW YOU’RE WITH ME – ALWAYS TOGETHER…
But you calls us names and I’m like “I hate you”
And you’re like “YOU SURVIVED BECAUSE OF ME!!” And it’s like
“WE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE TOGETHER! FOREVER!”
Nooo!!

We… are never ever ever… getting back the Precious!
We-ee… won’t ever not remember… when we found the Precious…
Smeagol chokeses Deagol, it’s a present now for me!
But see-ee… those hobbitses will never ever… give us back the Precious!

(Ooohh, ooh-ooh ooh-ooohh, ooohhh)…. Give us back the Precious!
Plee-ease! (Ooh-ooh ooh-ooohh) Oh..! ‘Cos we wants it, Precious!
Gollum talks to Smeagol, we is us and he is me (us is me!)
We-ee… are never ever, ever, ever… getting back the Precious!

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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   13
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User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - January 09, 2013 - Report this comment
A few years ago, when the LOTR movies were still being shown, somebody on this site said there can never be too many Gollum parodies. The guy is an easy target, partly because he is almost as whiny as Taylor Swift.
Old Man Ribber - January 09, 2013 - Report this comment
Wendy - Your super saga continues. There are some similarities between Gollum and Taylor Swift. For example, Bilbo "stole" The Precious from Gollum while Kanye West stole the limelight and microphone from Taylor Swift by interrupting her acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards. What's the difference between Gollum and Kanye West? One is a horrid ugly twisted spiteful little monster - and the other is from Middle Earth! Good job again! ;D
Rob Arndt - January 09, 2013 - Report this comment
A praise-worthy series! 555 :)
AFW - January 09, 2013 - Report this comment
Has a good ring to it..
Lifeliver - January 09, 2013 - Report this comment
Fabulous. It strays a long way from the OS rhyme phonetics but that's compensated by strong focus and perfect pacing. The retention of 'we' in the chorus highlight G's schizoid nature, or 'bipolar disorder as I believe they call it these days. This series is proving popular and successful. But I see Mike's point - I get a bit tired of Gollum too. 555s.

@OMR: Funny comment. I'm beginning to think there's more to Taylor Swift than meets the eye. She sure took a caning for that 'Friday' song, but I think there's substantial self-parody in her 'Valley Girl' epics.
Timmy - January 09, 2013 - Report this comment
Great tale and you captured the characterses perfectly
Wendy Christopher - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the comments everyone - much appreciated, as always :^)

@Lifeliver - and also Mike: That's why he's only getting one song. :^) He's done now - once you've painted his obsession with The Precious and split personality there's nothing else to say and nowhere else you can go with him - but at the same time I knew I couldn't just leave him out completely. Rest assured, he's not getting anymore solos - and I'll probably limit his guest spots too :^)

@OMR: Hee hee, nice one! And Harry Styles from 1D is just destined to get a bitter breakup song written about him now, if the latest news is true. Good job Andy Serkis was slated to cover this after all - could've been awkward on set otherwise.. ;^)
Adam Eccleshall - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
I love a good LotR parody - excellent :)
Jonathan - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
again never seen LOTR but I find these parodies delightful nonetheless great work! especially the spoken part! Lol 555
awsome - January 11, 2013 - Report this comment
i told to my class they loved it they wouldn't stop laughing

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