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Song Parodies -> "Don't Cleave"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Leave"

Original Performer:

Snakehips & MØ

Parody Song Title:

"Don't Cleave"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Dude, you quit slicing people in half? It's not a good look, you know.
Enemies put to death, that I get
Otherwise they would end me
But what hurts is the method I see
A little bit too messy
So if you could just hold up, can you hold up for me?
The way that you're choppin' is a horrible scene
Never really worth it except for your own glee
We are a team so you need to at least think about it

Don't cleave, slicin' in half to watch the parts bleed
Unnecessary, trust me
Can run 'em through or have just their head severed
But could you keep the main body together?
Don't go and tell me that it's unavoidable
'Cause I know that line is bollocks
Vertical, horizontal, thrice, whatever
Just stop haphazardly makin' 'em severed for me, yeah
Little favour for me (oh, whoa-oh)

May be true when you leave them in two (oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh)
They're won't be comin' back to stab, no (oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
But what I tend to find (oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh)
Is that blood ruins the loot and all their clothes (oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
It's gonna look real obvious we stole a man's duds
When there's stitches down the middle, it's real sus
"So I won't do vertical, okay?" It's not
Never clean cut (oh-oh, oh-oh) and there's not a midriff bared among them

Don't cleave, goes right through pockets where they might keep
Ammo or other goodies
Very expensive stuff that could be severed
I'd rather keep all of that stuff together
Don't go and tell me that it's inescapable
'Cause we both know that is bollocks
I've seen you practice many more sword methods
I hope you haven't chopped through all the records

Can already sense that you want to explain to me the truth
That I'm hypocritical 'cause of the power that I use
How can I bitch that you're bein' messy when I'm makin' ev'rybody's heads go pop?
I've got some nerve, I must say that you're bein' silly
Don't cleave, please, I don't pop anything that's not fleshy
Don't need their brains for nothin'
And I don't let the fluids go wherever
Only upon the ground or wall, whatever

Don't cleave, makin' a mess for our P.R. peeps
Yes, you need to be worried
It may seem like you have free rein to sever
That looks like we're the ones here causin' terror (it looks like we're the bad guys causin' terror, you see?)
Don't go and tell me that it's unavoidable
Both you and I know it's bollocks
But more importantly it puts the pressure
Back on us, so could you stop all the severin', please? Yeah
Leave the messes to me

One of the few times where great cleavage is unwanted.

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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