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Song Parodies -> "Ancient Word: Swive"

Original Song Title:

"H-45"

Original Performer:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

Parody Song Title:

"Ancient Word: Swive"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

As always, Rob, trading parodies back and forth has been fun and challenging. You get the last word on this one. I'm taking an extended break. Sometime in the future, I'll get the ball rolling by tackling one of yours first. Hasta la proxima.
Take “swift,” a word that means fast and lean.
Where does this word come from? Here’s what I’ve seen
in paper books and on the computer screen:
it’s related to a word that is obscene. . .
getting down. . .
merkin’d mound.

Before I get to the dirty talk,
I take you to days of yore:
Anglo-Saxon was on the march;
it’s what was taught in school.

The lingo they spoke, a form of English,
that form of English, preceded by “Old.”
Getting back to “swift,” which also means “fleet”:
from Old English “swifan,” which also gives us “swive,”

involving use of body parts
making the users hotter—
I think you know which body parts.
So let’s check a rule.

Those versed in dictionary arts
say we’re not likely to see
or hear this word because it’s tem-
porally not much more in use.

One large lexical tome has this to say:
the reason we don’t see it much today:
it’s obsolete, nearly gone away,
and doesn’t play a significant part
in discourse regarding pimps and tarts—
thus set apart.

It is a word you won’t find in White and Strunk’s
stylistic laws.

Ancient word gone way of “th’art”—
that is what the wordsmiths impart.
I like how it got its start:
between now and old runes.

So, here’s my plan:
if it fits scansion
and I can use it for a rhyme
with say, “strive,” then I shan’t shun
a line with “swive,”
although it’s deemed ancient jive.
For the mot juste effect, I’ll hark back to an older time.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.4
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   3
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