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Song Parodies -> "Seamen: Tars"

Original Song Title:

"BM Jar"

Original Performer:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

Parody Song Title:

"Seamen: Tars"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Boat: ship; the synonyms are replete
on land and out there on the drink.
Eyeballing: gawking—ways things are seen, obscene and clean.
Stoolin’ equals squealin’, when “dump” it don’t mean.

Funny sounds.

As to what bowel movements are.
there are terms, even more.
Bowel movements can follow farts:
olfactorily rude.

Post-dump, a wipe, but enough of “shit shtik”. . .
near anagrams, but shtik’s K don’t well bode.
Just look at “cooler”: where cons can do time;
also a place to chill beer, fish, lunch meat, wine.

One group that fishes, seamen: tars
in boats: ships equipped with spars.
One group that fishes, seamen: tars. . .
frig in the rigging too.

One group that fishes, seamen: tars
in boats: ships equipped with spars.
But why do they call seamen “tars”?
Here’s what two sites* tell you:

The term comes to us from earlier days:
first employed in the seventeenth century, it goes back a ways.
Of these two sites, you can take either’s part
as to just how the term got its start.

I heart Web smarts

La Brea has its pits of tar,
where saber-tooth tiger bones are.
Smoker’s lungs are full of tar
for RIP rest: doom.

I’ve got to scram!
Abundance of bran.

To toilet I’ve trod. Unload that fressing and more!
Appearance like. . .

. . .BP tarballs on sand white.
(BM mardballs on white wipes)

* Tar, Jack Tar
Tar, a slang term for a Sailor, has been in use since at least 1676. The term "Jack tar" was used by the 1780s. Early Sailors wore overalls and broad-brimmed hats made of tar-impregnated fabric called tarpaulin cloth. The hats, and the Sailors who wore them, were called tarpaulins, which may have been shortened to tars.--

tar (n.2) "sailor," 1670s, probably a special use of tar (n.1), which was a staple for waterproofing aboard old ships (sailors also being jocularly called knights of the tarbrush); or possibly a shortened form of tarpaulin, which was recorded as a nickname for a sailor in 1640s, from the tarpaulin garments they wore.—

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - November 05, 2013 - Report this comment
Hey JAB-555! I guess the person that treble-rated you (a vet) doesn't like the information you passed on nor the fact that you are a numbers man. I find the double standard of the pacing police and esp. "Mr. Footnotes" appalling when they write info-parodies themselves loaded with footnotes to demonstrate their knowledge (and act as if everyone else has no clue about what they are writing about). The political parodists here do the same thing. What's so wrong about taking any OS and twisting it with strange topics? I can't speak for you JAB but I can't write about mundane things about ordinary life. I am too complex for that and find such parodies boring. Nostalgia is cool, some toilet humor, some masked sexuality, and the current events are OK, even expected daily. But why some people can't accept other styles of writing parodies and obscure topics shouldn't make someone 1-bomb or treble-rate a fellow parodist. It takes all kinds, right?
John Barry - November 05, 2013 - Report this comment
Indeed it does take all kinds, Rob. What can you do except follow your muse?
Rob Arndt - November 05, 2013 - Report this comment
Hey JAB, I got the title for the PoP X5, but may have to wait a day or two to do it. Spent most of the day at PT Center and am sore, tired. I might have to just write a few small parodies next couple of days, so sorry if there is a slight delay :(

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