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Song Parodies -> "Pimple-Squeeze Phase"

Original Song Title:

"Killer Speed Phase"

Original Performer:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

Parody Song Title:

"Pimple-Squeeze Phase"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Sorry for the delay.
I’ve blackheads and zits; my complexion I’m cursin'.
As I cry, I sigh, why me, unlucky guy?!
It’s my epidermis I torque; it’s in tatters. . .
fiendish tweezing, tweaking, then ointments apply.

I am pissed, cross; pustules I can’t abide.

Got more zits than I can shake a stick at. . .young male;
when I was just fourteen, the problem did start—
that’s when I became a makeup-wearer. . .
put it on there: my cheeks sans hair.
Clearasil was the drill, covered with mask.
I’m rocked and shocked and frocked with pocks that make their mark.

Tear dermis till it smarts. More are turning up!

Pimple-squeeze phase, skin maimed, of that I am ashamed. . .
must stop feedin’ on fats, sweets, sugars, and starch.
As I mirror-stand each day I’m pokin’.
I snort, glower. . .madness ire.
Then a drenchin’ gush—looks like I’m larded.
To girls it’s a turnoff; their comments can be arch.

Burnt orange, color of the stuff on my face parked.
I am the best customer at the zit-cream mart;
each week I use a ton and then I’m off for more,
and when I pop ’em, pus up to the ceiling soars.
My puss a Gettysburg with seven and four score.
I wonder what my future face will have in store?
Sure hope it’s something that the ladies will adore.

But till then, into this lunar landscape I bore.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   8
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User Comments

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Wendy Christopher - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
Note to self: next time I go to read a parody entitled 'Pimple-Squeeze Phase,' DON'T be eating lunch at the time! I can certainly relate to all the Clearasil references; bloody stuff stank to high heaven and their 'cover-up' products were only 'skin-toned' if you happened to be an oompa-loompa. Loved this parody - even if it did make me feel a bit ill reading it! 555
AFW - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
It wrinkled up my nose..but it's clever prose
Rob Arndt - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
That's zit... or as they would say in the UK, spots-on!!! 555!!!
Old Man Ribber - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
JAB - I don't know TOS, but I'd wager this choice was a good "pick". ;D
John Barry - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks, all. OMR, this thread started as a parody of "Mona Lisa." Rob and I have been trading parodies ever since.
Rob Arndt - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
PoP X62 done!
Lifeliver - January 08, 2013 - Report this comment
This one pusses muster, at the acne of fun parody. Three fourths of a score..

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