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Song Parodies -> "Blubber Layer"

Original Song Title:

"Troublemaker"

Original Performer:

Olly Murs ft. Flo Rida

Parody Song Title:

"Blubber Layer"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

When a sales pitch gets more insulting than usual...
Got a blubber layer, got a blubber layer
Huh, got a problem with my blubber layer, jerk?

Aware my middle's thick and the rest ain't quite non-round
Ain't gonna buy your shit, cause I don't need trimmin' down
I may be fond of food to the point that my fat ass
Eliminates the need for cushions, man, oh-oh-oh
Blubber, blubber layer, know that I'm overweight, oh-oh-oh
But since I feel good 'bout it, it hurts your brain
I think you should go

Since your sales pitch needs me to feel real bad, whoa-oh-oh-oh
You need self-hatin' to get me to buy crap
And even if your pills could kill my fat, whoa-oh-oh-oh
You failed to think that people could love that blubber layer

Insult my frizzy hair or my baggy, raccoon eyes
Still think that you're a prick, but I'd let you speak your mind
Assume I'm single? Well, won't buy from here no more
I guess my full ring finger was ignored, oh-oh-oh
Blubber, blubber layer, not obese, I'm afraid, oh-oh-oh
Got my own methods if I'm close to that weight
Won't take yours, you schmoe

You give belittlement, I'll give you sass, whoa-oh-oh-oh
Killed my self-hatin' sev'ral years ago, man
Your face, I'd punch if I didn't think that, whoa-oh-oh-oh
Your sleazy manner is contagious, ack, you're an anus
Work on your pitch, you hateful, loathsome cad, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh (what a cad, yeah)
Prey on self-loathin'? Only assholes do that (said you're an anus)
I've had enough, each time I come in, man, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
You slide right up in hopes I now hate that blubber layer (yeah)

I may be too irate
A salesman's job is to get that sale, but I can't lie, your words grate
If your manager approved this crap, then I'll shop elsewhere today
What the hell made you think it was clever
To become a creepy negger to push your protein milkshake bollocks? Yeah
Slicked your hair back like you're a charmer
Ain't a singles bar, deal with you, don't wanna
Sure my blubber layer may get words from my friends and my mother
But strangers can zip their mouth tight (yeah)

Managers really should cut out the chaff, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Sick of your condescendin', faux-concern crap (you're an anus, yeah)
What, "good intentions"? Bull, you want my cash, whoa-oh-oh-oh
Cold read all you want, but I won't lose that blubber layer
I'm sure you think that deep down, I'm so sad, whoa-oh-oh-oh (like all you've said, it's a damn lie)
But I know better than to fall for that trap (you're an anus)
May not be strong, but your damn arm, I'll snap, whoa-oh-oh-oh (in two, I'll break)
If you keep sayin' that I should lose that blubber layer

When I write parodies, I always check the pacing by singing it out loud to the original song. Also, as an Australian, the short "e" (as in "egg) and the short "i" (as in "thick") sound remarkably similar. So you can imagine how careful I had to be about singing that line about a creepy negger!

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Pacing: 5.0
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Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

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