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Song Parodies -> "San Diego Chicken vs. Phillie Phanatic"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"San Diego Chicken vs. Phillie Phanatic"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Now that Christmas is over, we've got three long months until baseball season begins. This won't get you through the winter, but it might help. Note: The Chicken has been played by Ted Giannoulas since his debut in 1974, while the Phanatic was played by Dave Raymond from 1978 to 1993, and since by Tom Burgoyne. And while depictions of baseball mascots go back to the Philadelphia Athletics' white elephant of 1905, the first "live mascot" was Mr. Met in 1962.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

The San Diego Chicken!


The Phillie Phanatic!


Well, everybody's heard
that the Bird is the word
but this Philly Psychotic's
just a giant green turd.
Color of Astroturf
and shaped like John Kruk?
Even Wally the Green
Monster knows you suck!
I'm the O.G. of mascots
rockin' since the Seventies.
All the Padre and Charger fans
know I'm heavenly.
While you're clownin' around
on an ATV.
I've seen high school mascots
better than you'll ever be!

You dumb cluck.
You better cross the road
or I'll squash you like an S--
UV on a toad!
You're the O.G. of mascots?
Mr. Met calls you a liar
and San Diego's forgotten you:
Replaced by the Swinging Friar!
I'm from Rocky's hometown
and I'll have you on the ropes
then I'll knock you out
you Southern Cal Fried Mope!
You've been irrelevant
since "the Baseball Bunch."
Someone call the Colonel so he can
serve this Chicken for lunch!

No mascot in history's
faced more lawsuits.
You're in court more than the ballpark:
You can't handle the truth!
What's a Phanatic?
Nobody knows
and nobody cares
'cause your entire schtick blows.
You got a dumb party favor
coming out of your schnozz.
It gets cheered by dumb Philly fans
who boo Santa Claus!
You can't flow to the world-
famous San Diego Chicken.
I'm givin' you the finger
'cause you just took a lickin'!

You talk a lot o' smack
but now you're gonna fry
'cause like your rhymes, this chicken
simply can't McFly!
I'm the most popular mascot
while you're just a shame, man.
Forget about Giannoulas:
Everybody loves Raymond!
I fly with the Eagles
but this bird ain't no hero.
The Flyers will be my fryers
and the Sixers know you're a Zero!
I'll take my chicken cheesesteak
with sautéed onions.
Stick a fork in this bird
'cause he's well-done!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!


Bawk bawk bawk bawk-AWK!

Rap Battles of History!
I'm still mad at myself for not using the term "finger-lickin'" when I did Colonel Potter vs. Colonel Sanders. Here, I got another chance to use it.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.1
Overall Rating: 3.1

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   9
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jean Shepherd - December 27, 2014 - Report this comment
The lousy scores are your penalties for being a liberal. Become a gun enthusiast and a Birther and you will be inundated with 5's, regardless of quality. I award you 5's and the Brass Fig Newton with oak leaf cluster.
John Lomain - December 28, 2014 - Report this comment
This was really innovative and good

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