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Song Parodies -> "Joe Friday vs. Andy Sipowicz"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Joe Friday vs. Andy Sipowicz"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

You might have expected my 1,999th parody to be to Prince's song "1999," but it's not. You have the right to remain silent, but if you want to cheer this parody, no one will use it against you in a court of law.
Dum da dum dum…
(The "Dragnet" theme)

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Joe Friday!


Andy Sipowicz!


This is the city:
Los Angeles, California.
Soon my fist
is gonna adorn ya.
I was the favorite
TV cop of your father
even though my hometown
stole his Dodgers.
I carry a badge.
You carry a grudge.
Your language sounds like
Lower East Side sludge.
I’ll take you downtown
and stuff you in a trash can.
There’s no way you can beat me.
That’s just the facts, man.

Listen, scumbag.
I’m gonna bring the pain.
I may be bald, but that fedora
hides a hole in your brain!
Early Nineties Manhattan:
I fought crime in it.
You wouldn’t have lasted
15 minutes!
You’re a lonely bachelor.
You can’t give it away.
I look like this and still married
a smokin’ hot D.A.!
I’m a recovering alcoholic
but your lungs are full of ash.
So bow down to the Big Apple
and fear the ‘stache!

I’m on Pacific Time
But I’ve got late news:
You should’ve stayed on Hill Street
‘cause I’ll give you Pete Kelly’s Blues!
What happened to your partners?
Kelly destroyed evidence.
Simone lost heart.
Sorensen had trash residence.
You lost your older son
and you lost your wife.
I may be a bachelor
but I’ve had the better life.
I’m a detective sergeant
of a far higher class.
I never had to figuratively
or literally show my ass.

You just stooped to my level.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
On a scale of 1 to 100
you’re an Adam-12!
Webb had his own production company
but I know the score:
He never won an Emmy.
My portrayer won four!
When it comes to success
you’re a missing person.
I preferred the film comedy:
The Dan Aykroyd version!
I’m charging you with criminal wackness
and filing the case in.
You’re gonna need a lawyer.
Better call Perry Mason!

Who won?
Who’s next?
You decide!


(The "NYPD Blue" theme plays)

Rap Battles of History!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 1.5
How Funny: 1.5
Overall Rating: 1.5

Total Votes: 30

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   26
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Patrick - December 08, 2020 - Report this comment
My current favorite is Danny Reagan of "Blue Bloods", which just made its return to CBS last Friday. Joe Friday was the idealized cop of the 1960's. No brutality. Didn't shoot anyone in her bed at 1:00 am. Same for Reed and Malloy of "Adam 12". Jack Webb got a lot of cooperation from the LAPD. In return, he painted them in a most favorable light. Took me a while to remember Andy Sipowicz. Shows set in New York tend to be "griitier" and more realistic. Portrayls of corruption more frequent as well. Congratulations on 1999. You are now number 3 on the list of active AIR writers. I'm sure you'll have something special for 2000. I'm 22 on the list of authors who have posted something this year. Got a few good ideas. Will I make it to 350, and how do I count it? There are a couple that I'd like to call back.

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