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Song Parodies -> "Ty Cobb vs. William Tecumseh Sherman"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Ty Cobb vs. William Tecumseh Sherman"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The ultimate Southerner, vs. the South's worst nightmare.
(Opening notes of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”)

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Ty Cobb!

vs….

William Tecumseh Sherman!

Begin!

(Cobb)
I’m the first sports Hall-of-Famer.
The Georgia Peach.
Battling me
is a serious overreach.
I got a lifetime batting average
of .366
and now this crazy college president
can suck my Southern d***!
I sharpened my spikes.
I’m the basepaths’ Duke of Hazard.
I put terror in the eyes
of every American League b@$+@rd!
You thought you could beat me?
Don’t be a dreamer!
Baseball is something like a war
and I’m it’s Hiroshima!

(Sherman)
War is cruelty.
You cannot refine it.
And apparently, Mr. Cobb,
you also cannot define it.
I’m a peaceful man
but I do what I must.
Call me Honus Wagner
‘cause you can eat my dust!
I brought the Lord’s damnation
to every Georgia slave plantation.
I left Tara terrified
and ended your rebel nation!
You served as an officer
in World War I, and that’s no joke.
But I made the South’s dreams
go up in smoke!

(Cobb)
Is that the best you got?
I’ll leave your ass in a sling!
You refused to run for President
but I’m the Dee-troit Tiger King!
Rhymes so cold, your chance of beating me
is absolute zero!
Abe Lincoln shoulda told ya:
“Billy, you won’t be a hero!”
You might be a modern
Major General’s model
but I got filthy rich
off of Coca-Cola bottles!
I slashed at Walter Johnson’s fastball
and smacked Addie Joss’ curve.
You should’ve run when you were nominated
to face me, now you’ve been served!

(Sherman)
You excelled in your profession.
That much I can Grant you.
But even Lee had to surrender
to the North, so why can’t you?
You were a contact hitter
but your reputation grew dark.
I’ve got the Ruth-style clout
to knock you out of the park!
Like your sanitary socks
Your raps have a trench smell.
I’ve brought the war home to you
and shown you: It is all hell.
I’ve made you pay for every Southern
slaveholder who sinned.
I’ve ended yet another battle.
This one’s gone with the wind.

Who won?
Who’s next?
You decide!

Epic…
(sound of marching soldiers)
Rap Battles of History!

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