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Song Parodies -> "Walt Frazier vs. Joe Namath"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Walt Frazier vs. Joe Namath"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Occasionally, Peter & Lloyd will set up a "battle royale" involving 5 different characters, starting with the 2 that are announced, and then having the others cut in, lasting between 4 and 5 minutes. I decided to one-up them and make it 6, in this battle to decide who's the coolest New York athlete of all time. And I'm bending one of my rules to include a person the ERBOH guys have already used.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Walt Frazier!

vs....

Joe Namath!

Begin!

(Namath)
Howdy, kids!
It's Broadway Joe
and I guarantee
you're gonna like this show.
I helped New Yorkers
get their championship kicks
before the Mets could do it
or even Clyde's Knicks!
I'm the only guy
who took the Jets all the way
and you're gonna regret
steppin' to me today!
You can't beat the rhymes
comin' outta my throat
or my chopper, my white shoes
my shades and my fur coat!

(Frazier)
Oh, please, Broadway Schmo!
You can't win this parley!
My Rolls-Royce is an easy win
over your Harley!
I got the pinstriped suits
and the shirts with fancy collars.
I'm the only one here
who looks like a million dollars!
I'm out-muscling and out-hustling
this dude with bad knees.
I'm shaking and baking
this panty-hose sleaze!
I'm the better athlete
and the better broadcaster!
Call me the Skywalker:
I'm a sports Jedi Master!

(Hernandez)
Cut! I need a cigarette!
Not for pleasure, you bet!
I'm a Golden Glove slugger
for the New York Mets!

(Namath)
Clyde, can you believe
what this jerk says?

(Frazier)
Who does this guy think he is?

(Hernandez)
I'm Keith Hernandez!
Joe, with all that Brut 33
you still smelled.
And Clyde, you weren't cool enough
to appear on "Seinfeld."
I'm well past first base.
I even score in the broadcast booth.
Call me Jack Nicholson
'cause you can't handle the truth!

(Bob Sheppard)
Your attention, please
ladies and gentlemen
now batting
for the Yankees
Number 2
Derek
Jeter
Number 2!

(Jeter)
Okay, boys, it's time
to get World Serious.
I'm gonna leave you all
feeling a little bi-curious.
Nobody remembers
the girls you took higher.
I had J-Lo and Alba
and Minka and Mariah.
Clyde, you think you're the coolest
in the history of New York sport?
The best game you ever played?
They only remember Willis limping onto the court!
And Keith, you shouldn't laugh
over that 2-time titlist from the Knicks.
You won just 1 for the Mets
and made the last out in Game 6!
And Joe, that 1 Super Bowl
put you in the Hall of Fame.
After that, in 8 years you never
played another Playoff game!
When I take the field or hit the clubs
New York comes alive.
Four titles between the three of you?
I won five.

(Jackson)
Not so fast.
You all need to get sober.
Derek, you might've made the girls scream
but there's only one Mister October.
Clyde and Keith sold Just for Men
and inhaled too many fumes.
Brut 33, Joe?
That's one step from ladies' perfume.
You'd better run like a Volkswagen Rabbit
off my Panasonic screen
or I'll burn you up
like you were Getty gasoline.
Each of you thinks
you're a Yankee Doodle Dandy
but Reggie is the only one
who's sweet as candy.

(Ruth)
All right, that's enough.
I've had it with all of you.
Now back up, and see
what a real star can do!
I'll buy you some peanuts
and caramel like a star.
'Cause I preceded Reg by half a century
with the Baby Ruth bar!
Y'all talk about women
when you're fit as can be
but I got 'em even though I was
N.Y.C.'s original Notorious B.I.G.!
I was famous all over the world
before the Internet
before even radio
you silly Yanks, Knick and Jet!
Pitchers couldn't stop me.
Prohibition agents, neither!
Party all night, and then batting practice
served as my breather!
When The Sporting News got their
100 Greatest Players done
the debate was 2 to 100:
They knew who was Number 1!

(Namath)
I gotta admit:
The Babe's got us all beat.

(Frazier)
Even Muhammad Ali would say
he's got it complete.

(Jeter)
We're totally not worthy
of the Sultan of Swat.

(Jackson)
All hail the King.

(Ruth)
Thanks, boys, thanks a lot.

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

Epic...
(Da da da DAT da da... CHARGE!)
Rap Battles of History!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   1
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 4   0
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 5   13
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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - October 26, 2015 - Report this comment
Lots of good lines- 555!
Patrick - October 26, 2015 - Report this comment
Kansas City will get to see what this year's New York Mets can do at Kauffman Stadium tomorrow night. When I was in the 4th Grade my teacher assigned me to deliver a speech on Babe Ruth. Ruth lived the life when it wasn't considered a scandal. Your parody also reminds me of the Joe Namath pantyhose ad, an image I would rather forget. Minor historical footnote: the Baby Ruth candy bar was named for Ruth Cleveland, daughter of President Grover Cleveland. Though, at the end of my 4th Grade venture at public speaking, I did pass out a carton of Baby Ruth bars.
Michael Pacholek - October 28, 2015 - Report this comment
Wrong: The Baby Ruth bar was named for Babe Ruth. When he sued the company for using his name without his permission, they made up that ridiculous lie about a Presidential child who was already dead and wasn't famous while she was alive. And a stupid judge bought it, and Ruth got nothing. The story is as bogus as the one about General Abner Doubleday inventing baseball. It was like creating the Donald Trump Bar, and claiming it was named after Donald Nixon (Tricky Dick's real estate scamming brother) playing contract bridge.
Top Hat - October 28, 2015 - Report this comment
You Yanks stole baseball from our Stoolball dating back to the 1300s! Mr. Doubleday had nothing to do with it. Use a bit o'common, man! His story is rubbish.
Rob Arndt - October 28, 2015 - Report this comment
MP, sorry, but the Baby Ruth was originally named the "Kandy Kake" bar by the Curtis Candy Company until Babe Ruth gained notoriety! It thus was renamed! FYI
Rob Arndt - October 28, 2015 - Report this comment
http://candyprofessor.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/1920-kandy-kake-2.jpg?w=584
Rob Arndt - October 28, 2015 - Report this comment
Slight correction: Otto Schnering reformulated his 1919 Kandy Kake bar with a nougat center and THEN renamed it Baby Ruth after Babe Ruth who had become famous in the early 1920s. The Curtiss Candy Company had changed the last letter of Babe to Baby to avoid lawsuits. Within years, sales were high and the name origin became challenged.
Observer - October 28, 2015 - Report this comment
Thanks Rob. One more K and it would have been the KKK Bar!!!

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