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Song Parodies -> "Johnny Cash vs. Justin Timberlake"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Johnny Cash vs. Justin Timberlake"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The trick to writing an Epic Rap Battle of History is giving great lines to both characters, even if you don't like one of them. But those of you who are familiar with my musical tastes know how this battle's gonna end.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Justin Timberlake!


Johnny Cash!


If you like the Man in Black
this battle will be a bummer.
I'm gonna Cash in his chips
in 5 Seconds of Summer!
It ain't Parkinson's
that'll make you shake and shiver.
I'm gonna make you
Cry Me a River!
I did Britney and Janet
and all kinds of chicks.
You spent 15 years pining
for a divorced redneck chick!
You wrote a lot of songs
about doing time.
But your '90s hard-rock covers?
Now THAT was a crime!

You've thrown everything you've got, boy
including the kitchen N*Sync.
But your music is lousy
and your style's got a stink.
Your music's apocalyptic.
It's famine and pestilence.
If you're bringing sexy back
that's an endorsement for abstinence!
You think the ladies love you
and want your ass?
I think you got Lanced
'cause you're all about that Bass!
I won June over
and the world knew it was real.
While you got Derek Jeter's
sloppy seconds with Biel.

Wow, that's nasty
coming from a Christian.
I don't think you
accomplished your mission!
You think you're tough
with your songs about crime?
I'm gonna break you
One Piece at a Time!
I'm Rockin' Your Body
but not in a good way.
I didn't Miss Someone:
I hit you all the way!
I won this battle.
Made you a Ghost Rider in the Sky.
So mosey on out of here.
Bye Bye Bye!

The Lord may forgive me
for dissing you in this battle.
But I'm gonna brand you
like you were Wild West cattle.
And that won't be
your only Ring of Fire.
The burning in your piss
sends your temperature higher.
I've got the Big River
to make you Cry, Cry, Cry
and after that Super Bowl stunt
millions wanted to watch you die!
So get a coffin ready
for this constipated jock
'cause I'm gonna put
this little Dick in a Box!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!


(train whistle from many of Cash's songs)

Rap Battles of History!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.5
How Funny: 2.5
Overall Rating: 2.5

Total Votes: 30

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   18
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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Abbott Skelding - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
LOVE IT! I assumed that Cash was gonna win, but this battle reminded me a little of the ERBoH Bieber vs. Beethoven. One side (Bieber/Timberlake) seemed kinda bratty and arrogant, while the other side (Beethoven/Cash) was more straightforward and obviously the winner haha. The "endorsement for abstinence" and "Jeter's sloppy seconds" were great and the "dick in a box" ending was the perfect (and quite frankly, the only) way you could have ended that battle. I'd love to hear this recorded! Well done!
Timmy1000 - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
Another great battle; I didn't think I'd see these two up against each other.
Leough - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
Many funny lines, as usual!
Riley - August 23, 2015 - Report this comment
I think this one was a bad match up and is in poor taste. Sorry, 111.
Patrick - August 25, 2015 - Report this comment
Some of Cash's later stuff was morbid in the extreme. But in his heyday, there was none better. What I know of Justin Timberlake comes from tabloid headlines, rather than his music. Which says something right there. Keep the battles coming.
Claude Prez - September 04, 2015 - Report this comment
I almost never come here anymore, but you're one of the few reasons I still do sometimes. Great stuff as usual

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