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Song Parodies -> "Lex Luthor vs. The Joker"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Lex Luthor vs. The Joker"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The original ERB guys have had Sherlock Holmes vs. Batman and Goku vs. Superman. Don't the bad guys get a chance? Here, they do. Note that this battle is funnier if you know the names of the actors who've played them.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Lex Luthor!

vs....

The Joker!

Begin!

(Lex)
This battle will be easy.
I won't even have to buy it.
You're stepping to me, clown?
Don't even try it.
I'm the King of Metropolis.
You're a Gotham joke.
Superman's afraid of me.
Batman leaves your legs broke.
I'm a multibillionare
richer than Donald Trump!
While you're just a green-haired
white-skinned chump!
I'll wipe that smile off your face
if you don't run away.
This LL's far Cooler
than Mister J.

(Joker)
Ha ha! Hoo hee!
And I thought MY jokes were bad!
You're the lamest criminal
DC's ever had!
This rap battle deserves
a better class of criminal.
And I'm gonna give it to 'em
'cause your class is minimal!
You're big and fat, but bigger they are
harder they fall.
Better green hair than
no hair at all!
I'm squirtin' Joker Venom
so you'd better step back, man.
I was a Caesar of crime
while you're just a Hack, man!

(Lex)
Those the best puns you've got?
You'd better put 'em back.
Put this in your Ledger, boy:
You don't know Jack!
That disfigurement of yours
is a lousy makeover.
LexCorp's coming in
for a hostile takeover!
I don't give a damn
how you got those scars
because I'm a free man while you get
put behind Arkham's bars!
My stock returns give me
that sweet success smell
while your bank robberies fail
leaving you in a padded cell!

(Joker)
Your rhymes are pathetic.
They're totally disgracey.
You thought you could beat me?
You must've been Spacey!
I killed two Robins
and left Batgirl paralyzed and gory.
You think you can beat Supes?
Must be an "imaginary story"!
That guy who played Zuckerberg?
I've played you far better.
And I've got Harley Quinn.
Lois Lane? You'll never get her!
You as President?
Doesn't seem a possibility.
To the voters, you're just a freak
and not as good as me!

(Whooshing sound)

(Joker)
Wait, what's that?

(Lex)
Oh, sh--

POW!

(Batman)
Tell me, Luthor, do you bleed?

(Superman)
I know it's dark, but you can see that he does.

(Batman)
I know. I just like doing the voice.
I got yours. You got mine?

(Superman)
Oh yeah. Froze him with super-breath.
He'll thaw out inside Arkham.

(Batman)
Froze him? Yeah?
I bet my rhymes are colder than yours.

(Superman)
Oh, you really wanna do this?

(Batman)
Yeah.

(Superman)
Well, bring it on, playboy.

(Announcer)
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Batman!

vs....

Superman!

Begin!

(Batman)
Go West, young man
for a hero you can believe.
When I'm through with you
you're gonna be be-Reeved!
All the fanboys love me
and think you're a boy scout.
I'll use a little piece of Kryptonite
to knock your ass out!
I've got some news for you, Clark.
I wonder if you'll understand it.
I'm the most popular hero
on this Daily Planet!
To learn my identity
you shot X-rays from your eyes.
My name's Bruce, I'm a boss.
Your glasses ain't a brilliant disguise.

(Superman)
You gotta be kidding.
I'm out of this world.
I got Lois Lane, for all your billions
you can't keep a girl!
We've both busted gangsters
but within DC
I'm the all-time biggest seller
the first one, the O.G.!
I've saved the world many times
without a kid partner or two
and no one needs X-ray vision
to see through you.
And as for that Kryptonite
it doesn't give you a chance.
My heat vision will burn
right through your human hands.

(Batman)
Okay, I'm not invulnerable
but I fight like a man.
It takes greater courage
to take my stand.
I know you can fly
really fast and quite far
but you're still jealous of me
because chicks dig the car.
They should've called Brandon "Babe Routh"
because all your movies stink
while like Lou Gehrig's, mine
leave DC and Warner in the pink.
Cavill is lousy and you still
have the mark of Cain.
While I got Baled out
and I'm back on top again.

(Superman)
Baled out from what?
Val Kilmer and George Clooney.
All those Gotham City wackos
but you might be the real loony.
The best portrayal of you
still might be Michael Keaton.
Even black-and-white George Reeves
could've given him a beatin'!
I don't need a Batcomputer
or Alfred's advice.
I'd take Bane down with one punch
and arrest Two-Face twice.
You're the greatest detective
but I'm flying high above.
Other heroes respect you
but which of us is loved?

(Wonder Woman jumps in)
Calm down, boys.
No reason for you to fight.
Not when villains are on the loose
and thugs roam the streets at night.
Bruce, take some advice
from a Princess of Themiscyra
and not from Catwoman
with her excess mascara.
Lighten up. Use your fortune
to enjoy real life.
Make an honest woman of her:
Selina Wayne, your wife.
And you, Clark, calm down.
Don't be so insecure.
For that, by now
Lois should be the cure.

(Batman)
She's right, Clark. I'm sorry.
More than Robin, I'm a Dick.
I know I can't make any
of those insults stick.

(Superman)
Thank you, Bruce.
I also apologize.
I'll go home to our Pulitzers
but Lois is my real prize.

(Batman)
Thanks, Diana. Even without your lasso
you showed us the truth.

(Superman)
And reminded us to be better
examples to our youth.

(Wonder Woman closes as they walk off together with Luthor & the Joker)
Thank you, boys. You are super.
Now, what information have you got
about this skinny chick
in the Xena outfit, Gal Gadot?

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

Epic...

(Da na na na na na na na)

Rap Battles of History!
You'll notice I didn't make any mention of the suggestions of what really happens in the relationship between Batman and Robin. In the wake of the Duggar scandal, it might have been over the line.

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Pacing: 2.6
How Funny: 2.6
Overall Rating: 2.6

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   1
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 3   1
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 4   1
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 5   2
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User Comments

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Patrick - June 22, 2015 - Report this comment
Superman would stick his chest out as the bad guy's bullets bounced off harmlessly, but then he would duck when the bad guy threw the empty gun at him. Superman could fly, but Batman had a lot of cool toys. In the TV series "Smallville", Lex Luthor and Clark Kent grew up in the same small Kansas town. The relationship between Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson has been debated forever. I'd like to believe that an adult man can be a mentor to a younger lad without there being an improper relationship (or are such relationships even considered "improper" anymore?). Dick Tracy had his share of bizarre adversaries, too. Liked all the references to the actors. My "Batman" will always be Adam West. That's a function of the time when I grew up. The Golden Age of Television was 1965.
Rob Arndt - June 23, 2015 - Report this comment
Although not a big DC fan (with exception of Wonder Woman and Harley Quinn), my first major toy in life was my plush Batman I slept with. Must have been 2 or 3 in the old B&W photo! And of course, my younger brother later had that annoying '70s Batman & Robin alarm clock, "Time to get up and out of bed"... " Good boy, Robin, very well said!" Drove me insane like the Joker!!!

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