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Song Parodies -> "Charles Lindbergh vs. Neil Armstrong"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Charles Lindbergh vs. Neil Armstrong"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

In the immortal words of Superman, "Up, up, and away!" I may have to explain one of Lindy's lines: In 1979, Armstrong lost part of a finger in a farming accident, and it had to be reattached.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Charles Lindbergh!

vs....

Neil Armstrong!

Begin!

(Lindbergh)
From Long Island to Paris
people caught my Spirit.
Your landing was faked
from how I hear it!
You had two guys in your capsule
a thousand more on land.
I had to rely on myself
no one to give me a hand!
They had to give you a Buzz
and assistance from Collins.
There was no one to help me
if I'd been fallin'!
But I did it all myself.
Just me and my plane.
So I'm giving you the finger.
Can you do the same?

(Armstrong)
Tranquility Base here:
The Eagle has landed
on this Lone Eagle nitwit
who's ego's expanded.
Do you feel lucky, Lindy?
You Minnesota punk?
I'm a war fighter pilot.
Your plane's a piece of junk!
I wouldn't trust you to fly to
the International Space Station.
Clearly, you don't understand
the gravity of the situation!
Your rhymes can't launch.
You really should've stopped them.
Somebody tell Houston
that Lindbergh has a problem!

(Lindbergh)
My only problem is your breath.
Did you catch a virus lunar?
I was America's biggest hero
42 years sooner!
I'm blowing you up
you Ohio farm jerk!
I'll leave you dead as a redshirt
like my name was Jim Kirk!
I was an airmail pilot
who rose above the din
while for your last 43 years
you were just mailing it in!
You should join the whole world
for it's my ass they kissed.
You wanna go back to the Moon?
You can launch from my fist!

(Armstrong)
Well, I won't kiss your medals.
They're just a red herring.
Unless you want to count
the one from Herrmann Goering!
I know you liked the Germans.
Including mistresses, what a feat.
So many bastards, you could stock
the entire space shuttle fleet!
I'm a Purdue Boilermaker
while you barely finished high school
but I'm giving you an education
you isolationist tool!
And speaking of moons
I've kicked your behind.
You've got one small dick for a man
and you're one giant ass for mankind!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

Epic...

(sound of a rocket blasting off)

Rap Battles of History!
Sadly, one thing these men had in common was that they both lost children as toddlers: Charles Lindbergh Jr. was kidnapped and killed when not yet 2 years old -- at their home in East Amwell, New Jersey, not far from where I grew up -- while Karen Armstrong died of a brain tumor at age 3. I thought it would be in bad taste to invoke the Lindbergh Baby Kidnapping, so I left it out of this. The original ERB guys have made jokes about miscarriage (Cleopatra to Marilyn Monroe), children dying (Clint Eastwood to Bruce Lee), and even the Holocaust (the Hitler vs. Vader trilogy). I won't go there. Some things are NEVER funny.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 2.9
How Funny: 2.8
Overall Rating: 2.8

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   1
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 3   1
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 4   0
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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - April 06, 2015 - Report this comment
For the record, Goering was one of Germany's best fighter pilots of WW1 with 22 kills, having flown the DR.I triplane and excellent D.VII. He won many medals including the Blue Max. He led famous JG 1. Postwar, he piloted a Dornier Wal and his own Ju-52/3m transport.
Patrick - April 06, 2015 - Report this comment
Lindbergh flew combat missions in the Pacific, despite being a civilian. President Roosevelt refused him an Air Corps commission, probably because of his well-known opposition to war with Germany. The Spirit of St Louis was designed and built in just a matter of a few months. Armstrong and Lindbergh were both men of extraordinary courage. Had Lindbergh crashed at sea, it is likely he would have vanished the way Amelia Erhart did. If something went wrong with Apollo, Armstrong and his teammates would have perished in front of the entire world. Armstrong was born three years after the New York to Paris flight. Lindbergh lived to see Armstrong walk on the moon. Is this the first rap battle between two men who in real life actually met each other on several occasions?
Wiley Post - April 07, 2015 - Report this comment
All you had to do was mention Goering once and the Prussian Prick flies into transports of joy over the fat Nazi pig's aviation skills. Lindbergh was a cold fish and believer in his racial superiority. I like this parody and give it 5s.
Gunga Din - April 07, 2015 - Report this comment
Dr. Neil Armstrong dec. was a better man than I am.
Rob Arndt - April 07, 2015 - Report this comment
Just stating facts . Lindbergh was technical specialist for American fighters and was examining Corsairs in PTO when he decided to try out the Lightning and secretly strafed and bombed ground targets. He moved with units but only had one ATA battle in which he shot down a Ki-51 Sonia dive bomber (also used as recon). This aircraft was slow and obsolete in 1939 when opposing fighters. By 1944 it was a light strike aircraft later used for Kamikazi work. Lindbergh should have nailed it easily, but the Ki-51s slow speed made maneuverability easy, so the Lightning had to work for the kill. That was Lindbergh's only kill and he went out on just 32 missions total. He never made ace and if he had been in Europe with the crappy Lightning (removed to the PTO), Lindbergh would have been downed either by the Fw-190D-9 or Me Bf 109G. The Me-262 jet was also operational at the time. So count him lucky. While Lindbergh was a great aviator and made history, he was no great fighter pilot. Hanna Reitsch set a multitude of records and the Nazis were flying airliners to S America through Lufthansa with the Zeppellin remaining the largest thing in the air of all time. Nazi aviation firsts with jets were also impressive, the He-178 first flight three days before WW2.
Michael Pacholek - April 08, 2015 - Report this comment
Whatever skill and courage Goering had, he was a goddamned Nazi, a fascist and a murderer. Not a hero. Don't ever forget that. His private life also wouldn't have stood up to American conservatives' public demands. Neither, as we now know, would Lindbergh's.
Wiley Post - April 08, 2015 - Report this comment
Thanks for the backup, Michael. The resident Prussian Prick just doesn't get it, and never will. Again, nice work on the parody, as usual.
John Lomain - April 08, 2015 - Report this comment
Quite funny
Rob Arndt - April 08, 2015 - Report this comment
Gee, the Founding Fathers were mostly Freemasons and owned slaves and this nation filled with HRM's criminals like Australia. Why don't you guys get that??? God bless America's slave trade brutality and attempted genocide of Native Americans. God bless the KKK, which numbered in the millions in the 1920s. And who could forget such ethics and valor of Japanese-American internment camps, limiting Jewish immigration pre and post-WW2, civil rights movement brutality, the illegal Vietnam War and loss, Gitmo illegal detentions and torture. Iraq, Afghanistan, drone kills of innocent men, women and children, and failure to confront ISIS on the ground with troops while they continue to march forward slaughtering everything and everyone in their path? Please continue on a American apologists...
Wiley Post - April 08, 2015 - Report this comment
Same old litany of American evils. Arndt, in effect, declares a moral equivalency between Americans and Nazis, which by his illogic, leaves him free to glorify Goering and any other Nazi bastard he chooses, as well as their weapons. He fills these pages with that junk, while pretending to be a humanitarian instead of a Prussian Prick.
Rob Arndt - April 08, 2015 - Report this comment
Historical facts are not illogical, and btw since you fail to address those issues and America's immorality, you Sir are in denial. And a coward.
Wiley Post - April 08, 2015 - Report this comment
Your allegiance is to Germany. If you were alive during WW2, I bet my eye patch you would support Nazi Germany. Not by fighting, of course. Where were you during the Gulf War, when you were of fighting age? As a certified war monger, it speaks to your cowardice that you never volunteered your ass to back up your beliefs.

You live by facts? Here are a couple: During WW2, America put its citizens of Japanese origin in internment camps because Japan had launched a sneak attack on us and Japanese-Americans were presumed to be potential fifth columnists. None of them were summarily murdered. At the same time, Nazi Germany was gassing civilians, assembly-line style, for no reason but the achievement of racial purity -- the apotheosis of which is that marvelous specimen Robert Arndt! Is this your "logic of facts" and moral equivalency that lead you to regularly confer heroism on America's blood enemies, who were your blood brothers?

Go Lufthansa to the Fatherland and leech off it. I'm tired of paying taxes to support America-haters who gladly take its welfare.
Rob Arndt - April 08, 2015 - Report this comment
WimP, you are a poor, pathetic whiner who can't face the fact that capitalist America is just as bad as any enemy nation in the world. Roosevelt and Churchill signed away Poland's fate at Yalta allowing Stalin to murder the whole East Bloc behind an Iron Curtain. Roosevelt had agents in the field all over the Reich hunting for the best of THEIR scientists and weapon systems while you fought so hard against Nazi tyranny. You poor little whiny b-tch. Btw, I was born in 1964 and by 1982 the US armed forces were crap, slowly being built back up after Reagan was elected in 1980. No conscription... made far more money in construction than any grunt or jarhead and lived better two. Had better weapons as well in the pre-ban days and knew lots of Intel people. Privy to data you will never know and having seen several SAPs. Your comments are meaningless flag waving hypocritical nonsense. America dumps its industrial waste in foreign nations, makes kids work in sweatshops to make consmer goods, preaches the gospel of materialism and instant gratification, and is the porn capital of the world. Get off the soapbox Pops. Your generation is nearly dead anyway.
Wiley Post - April 09, 2015 - Report this comment
Are you still here, Fritz? How do you put up with us? To paraphrase that imperialist racist Churchill, the U.S. is the worst country in the world, except for all the other countries. I happen to be a Marxist socialist, I wave no flags nor do I seek the refuge of patriotism, and I'm acutely aware of the evils of capitalism. But if I had to choose among evils, it would be the obscene American corporate system of rule, not capitalism run by unelected commissars (USSR) or by a vast communist bureaucracy (China) or by the military (fascist Third Reich). And finally, kid, I spent more time in secure rooms at Wright-Patterson and elsewhere, reading intel for the purpose of executing certain designs, than you can imagine. If you picture me as a simple blowhard on a soapbox, you're as bad a reader as you are at grasping logic, cherry picking as you do from irrelevant facts.

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