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Song Parodies -> "Ice Hockey"

Original Song Title:

"Somebody"

Original Performer:

Natalie La Rose ft. Jeremih

Parody Song Title:

"Ice Hockey"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "50 Shades of Pop" self-challenge. Dude wants to try ice hockey. Pretty basic premise.
Come on, whoo, look at that puck go, yeah
I wanna play some ice hockey (whoo, yeah)
Work on my slap shot with somebody (shot, shot, shot, shot)
So would you be-e my temp goalie (my goalie, come on, come on)?
And protect that net that's so holey
From the puck movin' non-slowly (non-slowly)

It's a sport at which I could be good
Though I ain't played it, true
Never had a quick round with my mates
Wasn't taught at school
Last time I was on the ice, only twice fell down
But that was 'bout ten years ago
Maybe fifteen years now, it's been quite a while now
I know that I'm no Wayne Gretzky
And I only know him from TV Tro-o-o-o-opes
But I don't care, gonna push right through

I wanna play some ice hockey (whoo, yeah)
Work on my wrist shot with somebody (shot, shot, shot, shot)
But it might be-e a bit lonely (come on, come on)
So would you help me out and join me?
Can pretend you're Jason Voorhees (that Voorhees)

The prospect of all that armour's good
Don't like pain that much
Can call me a wuss or a pansy
I prefer "sensible" (completely sensible)
I've seen how fast that puck flies when it's off the ground
Reducin' "ow"'s the way to go
Put that helmet on now, strap that cup on right now
Toon hockey players may lack teeth
This is reality, thought you should kno-o-o-o-ow
And I'm not that big a fan of soup

I wanna play some ice hockey (whoo, yeah)
Work on my snap shot with somebody (shot, shot, shot, shot)
But my pass i-is a bit shoddy (come on, come on)
I need to practice with somebody
Would you please be that somebody (somebody, yeah)?

Learn to hit that puck
Want to have a sport that at which I don't suck
Hope that the ice
Doesn't make me fall right over all that much (whoo)
I've played hockey once
But that was on concrete, got more grip there, bud (whoo)
Also we used a tennis ball and not a puck
Good thing too, cause that thing hit me in the nuts

I'm hopin' that I can find an ice rink in town
That won't price gouge cause that would blow
I'm not made of cash now, not composed of cash now
There are no frozen lakes near me
Where I live, that'll never happen, no-o-o-o-o
Weather goes from rain to melty, dude

Still wanna play some ice hockey (whoo, yeah)
Work on my deke shot with somebody (shot, shot, shot, shot)
This sport could be-e my new hobby (come on, come on)
A good workout for my round body
Hope that I don't break said body (said body)

"Deke" is short for "decoy". Also, there is one part of this story that is based on my life. Sadly, it's the groin injury.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   1
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 4   1
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 5   4
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User Comments

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Chris Caillouet - December 29, 2015 - Report this comment
I stand in awe of anyone who can strap wheels or blades to the bottoms of his feet and zoom around like mad pursuing a small, elusive target with a stick, and doing so without critically injuring himself. Your narrative about a guy attempting to learn these skills later in life and his confidence in doing so deserves its own ovation. Best of luck to your hero -- hope he winds up with the right kind of traction.
John Lomain - December 30, 2015 - Report this comment
a slap shot into the goal

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