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Song Parodies -> "Boil to Lance"

Original Song Title:

"Bad Romance"

Original Performer:

Lady Gaga

Parody Song Title:

"Boil to Lance"

Parody Written by:

Warren Baker

The Lyrics

After all the political chatter this week, I figured it was time for something completely different.
Ooh ooh ow ow ow
Oh my rump ma ma
Ee ee why why why
I’ve got a boil to lance

Iiee Iiee no no no
Hey yo, go slow slow
Stick, nick, don’t care how
I’ve got a boil to lance

I’ve got a bumpy
I want pain to ease
I want that sharpy thing and make sure it’s clean
Please wear your gloves
Please wear your gloves

I want it pronto
A blade in your hand
I want this fluid baggy brought to its knees
May need a jug
May need a jug

(I sit and it’s painful
It’s a fate that is cruel
I have a boil
Boil to lance)

No, I’m not kidding
Maybe grab a syringe
So I guess I’ll have to drop my pants.
It hurts while sitting
And I’m wearing Depends
Can’t you see I’ve got a boil to lance?

I’ve got a boil to lance
I’ve got a boil to lance

Must I stand or crouch?
Or lay on a couch
Take this boil and lance

Ooh ooh no no no no
Your hands oh so cold
Whoa whoa that’s too low
See the boil, now lance

To hell with honor
To hell with refined
This pain is visceral this hind ain’t benign
Don’t be so rough
Don’t be so rough

Don’t want no lipo
No fat sucking stick
Just want this pain to go so hurry be quick
Or give me drugs
Or give me drugs

(Can’t wait till the pain’s gone
No chair can I sit on
I’ve got a boil
A boil to lance)

Don’t take no pictures
That you’ll share with your friends
Can’t you see I’ve got a boil to lance?

I don’t need butt implants
I’ve got a boil to lance

No no cha cha cha
My rump ya ya ya
Move groove, na na na
Got no time to dance.

Boo boo bye bye bye
Pain pain die die die
Make me cry cry cry
Got a boil to lance

Gawk gawk it’s amazing
Lance it
Ooh it itch like crazy
Pop pop pain is blazing
Lance it
No no no delaying
Talk talk no more teasing
Lance it
Skin that’s flat is pleasing

I want some drugs
Or my nerves will unhinge
Don’t want no hugs
Can’t you see my skin cringe

I’ve got a boil to lance
I’ve got a boil to lance

Don’t sit and study
The contour of my end
What was that, was that a furtive glance?
I’m not your buddy
I’m a patient, not friend
Can’t you see I’ve got a boil to lance?
If you didn't like the above, there's more not to love at The Blogging Baker.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Agrimorfee - April 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Funny as hell! I like how you changed the chorus every time for bigger laughs.
Mark Scotti - April 09, 2010 - Report this comment
In the words of Monty Python, "I've had worse!!" LOL(see..)
Warren Baker - April 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Agrimorfee- Glad you liked it. Dag, this is a tough little booger to parody.
Mark- "That's nothing, our father would make us lick the road with our tongues..." LOL!
Phil N - April 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Grossly funny
Christie Marie M - April 09, 2010 - Report this comment
A definite 555 boils to lance! Great take on a particularly tough OS!! A lot better than mine! :)
Warren Baker - April 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Phil- And environmentally friendly humor. Thanks, Phil.
Christie- I've only recently discovered the song and it's hooks...after hearing it 15 million times at the mall! Thanks so much for your vote and compliment. BTW, your Misery synopsis brought back that whole sledgehammer memory, it still makes me wince just thinking about it!
Jeff Reuben - May 05, 2010 - Report this comment
I thought you might be wishing ill towards Lance, that would suck on those long bike rides! Funny song.
Warren Baker - May 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks for the note, Jeff. I would never wish a boil on Lance, though Sheryl Crow might (insert rim shot). Although shrimp and crab boils are nice...
Matthias - May 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Not too bad, I love Lady GaGa and this song and you did a Hell'va job!
The Charnstar - May 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Gotta say, really liked this... even if it gave me disturbing images... And yeah, I was gonna make a tour de france joke too, but Jeff beat me to it.
Warren Baker - May 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks, Matthias. I really appreciate it. And Charnstar, I hope those disturbing images have since faded!
Mark Scotti - May 14, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This one "poopped" up again for another LOL second read!
Below Average Dave - May 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Overall I'd say it worked, even if I found it randomly confusing. . .I happen to like randomly confusing. I really had no idea what to expect from the random title. . .not bad. welcome to SOTM
bobpiecheese - May 28, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very quirky parody - how fitting for Lady Gaga. Kinda painful too, but not in a bad way, if that makes sense. 555!
Peter Andersson - May 28, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTM April 2010 - My comment has been placed on the forum voting thread:

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