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Song Parodies -> "Woolworths"

Original Song Title:

"Judas"

Original Performer:

Lady Gaga

Parody Song Title:

"Woolworths"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

This parody is about my lamenting the closure of Woolworths in the late 1990s. As a kid who grew-up in the '70s Woolworths was a kids pardise of bargains with overflowing counters of candy, tons of cheap toys, and bargain bins full of surprises. They always had the lunch counter too where a kid could buy a thick milkshake or a grilled cheese or burger meal for cheap. I only had one store in my area but shopped there until the very last day when it closed. I was an adult then and the box stores started to appear and then Walmarts everywhere. Reminds me of the saying, "All good things must come to an end."
Woe, woe, woe, woe
How I miss old Woolworths

Woe, woe, woe, woe
How I miss old Woolworths

Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
BARGAINS!!!

When I was a kid, I saved pennies
Saved up for candy and lucky rabbit’s feet
Shopped at K-Mart, Thrifty’s, and went insane
Radio Shack… got my batteries free

But when cash was down, cash was down, down
I joined the bargain crowd, the bargain crowd

[Chorus]
Was just a Spending Fool, the bargains were so cool
Oh how I do miss old Woolworths, lately
Was just a Spending Fool, the bargains were so cool
Oh how I do miss old Woolworths, lately

Woe, woe, woe, woe
How I miss old Woolworths

Woe, woe, woe, woe
How I miss old Woolworths

Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
BARGAINS!!!

A kid spends money so easily
Got the most out of that store for what I paid
Toy and candy treasure picks
At the lunch counter had a grilled cheese!

[Buck twenty-five with Coke and lots of grease!]

But when cash was down, cash was down, down
I joined the bargain crowd, the bargain crowd

Was just a Spending Fool, the bargains were so cool
Oh how I do miss old Woolworths, lately
Was just a Spending Fool, the bargains were so cool
Oh how I do miss old Woolworths, lately

Woe, woe, woe, woe
How I miss old Woolworths

Woe, woe, woe, woe
How I miss old Woolworths

Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
BARGAINS!!!

[Bridge]
At the time it made sense,
It took no great expense
Sharp looker, bin savings tests, saved all the time
But in the financial sense
The stores went out of business
They lacked competitiveness,
It all came down to the bottom line

I really loved you,
But big box stores drew me away from you
Cards with Extra-Value,
Bigger-Better was the demon I learned to
I learned to… accept

Was just a Spending Fool, the bargains were so cool
Oh how I do miss old Woolworths, lately
Was just a Spending Fool, the bargains were so cool
Oh how I do miss old Woolworths, lately

Woe, woe, woe, woe
How I miss old Woolworths

Woe, woe, woe, woe
How I miss old Woolworths

Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
Paid less
Woolworths!
BARGAINS!!!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.9
How Funny: 3.9
Overall Rating: 3.9

Total Votes: 24

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   6
 6
 6
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 1
 1
 
 4   0
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 5   17
 17
 17
 

User Comments

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Shoplifter Kid - January 17, 2014 - Report this comment
As late as the Sixties, Woolworth's was commonly known as the "5 & 10" because of its low prices. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpzT0Nq7AbQ
Rob Arndt - January 17, 2014 - Report this comment
Does anyone know the old Gemco and Woolco stores???

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