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Song Parodies -> "Go To War This Way (from 'LOTR:OMG!')"

Original Song Title:

"Born this Way"

Original Performer:

Lady Gaga

Parody Song Title:

"Go To War This Way (from 'LOTR:OMG!')"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

The Saga continues... ;^) This is Eowyn's anthem - and when you need a blonde who defies convention and is expert at commanding attention, who are you gonna call but Lady Gaga? Although... sorry sweetie, but NO, you CAN'T bring your own costumes...

And here's a link to the original song.
It doesn’t matter if I don’t play… by showing my T & A (A, A, A, A…)
I’ll put my dukes up
And go to war this way, baby!

My uncle told me that girls can’t fight
Being pretty’s how they serve
Had to put up with Grima day and night
Acting like a total perve
What’s wrong with slapping orcs upside their heads
Even though it isn’t ladylike?
But all the men just say “You’ll wind up dead,
Princess you should take a hike!”

They say I fight like a girl
It makes me want to hurl
So I’m in drag now ‘cos I go to war this way
And I don’t really see why
I have to dress like a guy
But that’s the way it is I go to war this way (war this way)

Ooh there aint no other way, boys will let me out to play
So I go to war this way (war this way)
Grab this hobbit on the way, don’t care if they think I’m gay
That’s their loss I go to war this way!

Well I got class, I don’t give in
Let’s kick some ass, I’m for the win
You shall not pass, I’ll get stuck in (oh yeah!)

My brother thinks ‘cos I’m noble born
I should just get married quick
If I had my way I’d do Aragorn
But he’s horning on some elven chick
So what to do with this broken heart
And romantic S-H-I-T? (hey yeah!)
I think I’ll rip some Uruk-Hai apart -
Now that’s what I call therapy!

This little hobbit and me
Repressed minority
Are gonna fight back, watch us go to war this way
I fight real good under stress
And better with PMS
So you can bite me when I go to war this way!

I’m the maiden with the shield, let me on the battlefield
Let me go to war this way! (war this way)
Now I’ll go on the attack, and the hobbit’s got my back
Oh, so face facts, gonna set the score today!

It’s good guys versus orcish foes
They’re going down like dominoes
But their Big Cheese inspires dread
Enormous with a spiky head
I’ve heard it said this King’s a witch
He wants me dead, well life’s a bitch
He says “Can’t kill me, no man can”
I tell him “Dude, I aint no man”

Well fighting him is no laugh
He packs a punch and a half
So what’s a girl to do? I really hope I survive…
And so I give him a clout
The little hobbit helps out
And then before you know we’ve won the war of our lives!

But now I need to be fixed
Because he knocked me for six
And that’s what happens when you go to war this way
Hope Aragorn understands
And lays on his healing hands
Makes it completely worth going to war this way yeah!

Ooh it hurts but that’s okay, Aragorn has come to say
He can make it go away (oh hooray)
Who’s this new guy over here? Says his name is Faramir
Got a six-pack, baby, got the horn – wahey!

Done with war today hey
Done with war today hey
I whupped the Witch King’s ass and won the war today hey!
Done with war and wahey
Won the war today hey
And Faramir’s damn hot so Aragorn go away!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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Adam Eccleshall - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
Loved it :)
Callmelennie - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
You've given me an idea for anther LOTR parody, Wendy -- not necessarily from this song, but from one of your others. You're going to kick yourself for seeing it first, it's so obvious
Callmelennie - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
You'll kick yourself for NOT seeing it first, that is ...... OTOH, maybe you won't
Old Man Ribber - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
Wendy - Eowyn (or Dernhelm) never had it so good. Her confrontation with the King of the Nazgul was the greatest linguistic "fake out" since Odysseus told the cyclops Polyphemus that this name was "No Man". I'm looking forward to your next installment. ;D
AFW - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
Interesting and fun to read
Rob Arndt - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
For continuity and consistency- 555!!!
Lifeliver - January 10, 2013 - Report this comment
My fave so far! Exploring new territory, and you really got inside her head. So few strong female characters in JRRT's world, which makes Eowyn so important. Miranda Otto did a brilliant job. In the books Arwen is virtually 2D - I don't think she even speaks, and you have to go to the appendices for her heritage and courtship. The Jackson team (and Liv Tyler) did well to bring her to life. Eowyn and Faramir's dalliance, on the other hand, is dealt with at some length. Strange.

I loved '...good under stress and better with PMS' and 'Aragorn go away'. Keep 'em coming, but I know you've been quite prolific lately, so at your own pace.
Wendy Christopher - January 11, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the comments everyone - much appreciated, as always :^)

@Calmennie: Well... you've got me well intrigued now! I can't wait to see it. (You know I'm going to be driving myself nuts trying to figure it out now, don't you? ;^D )

@Lifeliver: Yes, Arwen was much more interesting in the film than she was in the book! I saw a documentary on Tolkien a few years ago, which explored how a lot of his life experiences influenced LOTR and the whole saga of Middle-Earth stories. Apart from living a very closeted life as a university academic, he was also very affected by the loss of his mother, who he idolised, at quite a young age (Galadriel was said to be his tribute to her.) I believe he also married quite young, but only briefly because he lost his wife too. That might go some way to explaining his rather old-fashioned, reverential attitude to many of the female characters in his books. There was a lot of other stuff too; how Sam and Frodo's relationship echoed his experiences in the trenches during the war, and his hatred of industrialisiation of his beloved countryside inspired Saruman's forge and the sacking of the Shire.
Callmelennie - January 11, 2013 - Report this comment
Oh drat, me and my big keyboard ... now I'm committed to doing it
random pinnapple - January 27, 2013 - Report this comment
you should record this and put it on YouTube :)

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