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Song Parodies -> "VoldeMart (Wizards With Magic)"

Original Song Title:

"(Censored) In Paris"

Original Performer:

Jay-Z & Kanye West

Parody Song Title:

"VoldeMart (Wizards With Magic)"

Parody Written by:

Ethan Mawyer

The Lyrics

The corporate evil route is safer, and quite possible more evil. This should be recorded ASAP, and not by me.
This is VoldeMart where muggles cannot buy things
Just wizards can come buy things
Must understand if a muggle goes in here
That means people dying
VoldeMart, magic vendor
Making smaller stores surrender
It's not a joke anyone who looks
To compete gets cooked like chicken tenders
VoldeMart, this store big
Smoke out rivals like a pure cig
VoldeMart, we store wigs
That can be turned into four pigs
Massive, not passive, we sell glasses shooting beams
Laser, X-Ray, wooden, ruin dreams
VoldeMart, ninety-four bucks
Plus tax buys a Horcrux
Some shoppers never come back
Cause Mudblood tax here, aw shucks
VoldeMart, now zounds sold
Tax can be like ten pounds of gold
Useful capes, books of all shapes
Even got magic to make clowns look old
VoldeMart, got ten aisles
Each goes on for like ten miles
The place is three acres
Scientists are in denial
VoldeMart, got chic styles
For one whose wand beguiles
Tactics, evil
Will not ever lose the trial

VoldeMart where muggles cannot by things (magic place, magic place, magic place)
VoldeMart where muggles cannot by things (magic place, magic place, magic place)

She said Tom, think you should buy your merchandise
Did not like that girl's advice, now she's ice
I'll revive her for a hefty price
Sub-hundred profit margins do not suffice
(VoldeMart) Magic place, that's the case
(VoldeMart) Without hands I, slap a face
(VoldeMart) Bewitching toads? Amateurs
(VoldeMart) Our books tell you the only way to conjure up manticores
Lucifer - evil, sure
But I could make him shriek in war
Instead I run this sleazy store
Gets me more
Most villains asking to die
With their hubris
Cause when wizards hit hard
You don't just end up toothless

Get ready my wizard
Dirt bedding my lizard
What's Eddie my Izzard?
Speak nonsense cause I'm slizzard
From wine that's of a vintage
Rare like helium scissors
Cause these wizards with magic
Blow cold cash like a blizzard


1: Actually, gold isn't really cash
2: Do you know who you're talking to?
1: Right, sorry sir.

VoldeMart where muggles cannot buy things
VoldeMart where muggles cannot buy things

I am still set to destroy
Don't mention the Potter boy
Unless you want me annoyed
Don't mention the Potter boy
Them other wizards is cowards
Hating on my profiting powers
You see a debt eater? Avoid
They're so much more deadly than the Noid
Don't mention the Potter boy
Unless you want me annoyed
Don't mention the Potter boy
If you do you get destroyed
My foes get urns not hearses
Don't mind forbidden curses
Getting tired of these verses
Got a face now pass the kerchief
I am still set to destroy
Don't mention the Potter boy
Don't mention the Potter boy
He robbed me like Scottish Roy

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   6

User Comments

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Matthias - March 26, 2012 - Report this comment
Wanted to like this one but the OS is so damn terrible it actually takes away from the parody. Still this was a great idea I just wish the original song wasn't such utter bullsh*t.
Tripper - March 27, 2012 - Report this comment
I totally agree with Matthias's comment re: the OS (makes me reach for an airsick bag), but the parody that ensued -- GREAT! I'd LOVE to see a follow-up viral video that does justice to Ethan's vision. Definitely a 5 Star effort and accomplishment! Congrats!
Nixon Lee - May 17, 2012 - Report this comment
Okay I was pretty impressd. i wanted to do parody of this myself but i couldn't get the concept together. Good job man! I would love to see this in video form. haha

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