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Song Parodies -> "Status Bars"

Original Song Title:

"Battle Scars"

Original Performer:

Guy Sebastian ft. Lupe Fiasco

Parody Song Title:

"Status Bars"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I like it when things are clear and distinct and to the point. I'm not sure if there's any game where none of the HUD displays are labelled, but I imagine it'd be a right pain in the buttocks.
D-D-D-Did I just heal? Hope that's what that does
That's 'cause this display here sucks
Heads-up display sucks, yeah

These status bars, what are they displayin'?
Did anyone double-check this game
Before people overpaid?
What happened (look)?

All my ammo's used? Screwed, that's me
Not my bad, it's you confusin' me
There's a lot of bars that clog my view, 'bout twenty-two, you see
And what's stupid is the lack of labels, screwin' me
Got no hint to what I charged up
It seems somebody ballsed up with the code, this really blows (this blows)
You'd think they'd show a symbol at least but no
Only lines, some high, some low with no thought to where they'd go (no)
Is this the tank for my ammo?
It's not upon the rifle, it's where I'd like health to go
But that line up there, it might be a stealth meter? I don't know
With trial-and-error, hope to write guides of my own

Believe me, I have looked on forums, they're all stumped
The hackers haven't crunched all the logs yet, sucks (it sucks)
There's too much goin' on to work it out with pure rhythm (yeah)
Text trees and boss fights, there's no time left for sittin' (uh-huh)
I get why the critics (shit), the critics didn't have (have)
A copy to use pre-release, damn (yeah)
That's a clear sign that it's bogus (a clear sign it's bogus)
Just so incredibly bogus (just so incredibly bogus)

These status bars (hoo-ooh) (yeah), clear what they're displayin' (hoo-ooh)
Is what I expected when I played (hoo-ooh)
But there's nothin' there, so lame (hoo-ooh)
These status bars (hoo-ooh) hide what they're displayin' (hoo-ooh)
I find that it's hard to play a game (hoo-ooh)
When the details are a haze (hoo-ooh)
What happened?

Can't believe this, I'm goin' back through the settin's
To check if I messed up a tab, there could be a "Baffled" mode embedded
Damn it, found nothin' now, gettin' livid
Why must these stupid guns all use diff'rent ammunition (hoo-ooh)?
Shield, health and armour, no diff'rence
Can't tell how I'm hurt, how long is left until rebirth
Whoever programmed this must be some kinda sadist prick
Unless all of this was down to crunch, that I'd get (hoo-ooh)

I'm makin' a big deal 'bout this 'cause it sucks
In the grand scheme, it just doesn't matter much (not much)
But I'm still gonna scrub through ev'ry preview and trailer (yeah)
For any small sign that proves this wasn't failure (yeah) (hoo-ooh)
That this was the intent (this), intended to be mad (mad)
Would not make it good nor quench the sad (uh-huh)
But my search seems pretty hopeless (it seems pretty hopeless)
Like playin' this well, it's hopeless (playin' this shit well is hopeless)

Damn status bars (hoo-ooh), what are they displayin' (hoo-ooh)?
Some may think tutorials are lame (hoo-ooh)
But I'd welcome one today (hoo-ooh)
These status bars (hoo-ooh) are never explainin' (hoo-ooh)
What's good and what's bad, that's not okay (hoo-ooh)
Not how puzzles work for games (hoo-ooh)
What happened?

Set this dumb game on fire (fire)
It's such a batshit design, yeah
Don't know why I keep playin', pretty nuts
As a whole it's just not much fun (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Least the pause is where I'd place it (uh-huh)
Wait, what is this I see? Can't take it (yeah), geez (oh-oh-oh)
Should see how I reel, how'd I fail to spot
This sub-headin'? How'd I not?
Have to deal with my dumbness 'cause
There's a "Totals" menu, what?!

The status bars (hoo-ooh) for which I've been cravin' (hoo-ooh)
Were in the pause menu tucked away (hoo-ooh) (found 'em)
As if in some kinda shame (hoo-ooh) (love 'em)
Great status bars (hoo-ooh), clear numbers displayin' (hoo-ooh) (uh-huh)
All that I've collected in this game (hoo-ooh) (found 'em)
Gotta screenshot right away (hoo-ooh) (share 'em)
Damn status bars still need some updatin' (uh-huh)
To what they should be in the first place (eh-oh-oh)
When will that patch come our way?
Demand it

Kinda surprised this song has Guy as the lead credited artist with Lupe as the "feature", even though it's very much structured like your typical rap song with a guest chorus. Such are the mysterious ways of the music industry...

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Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 24

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