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Song Parodies -> "Caffeine"

Original Song Title:

"Trap Queen"

Original Performer:

Fetty Wap

Parody Song Title:

"Caffeine"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "50 Shades of Pop" self-challenge. Some people really, really like their coffee. Like this dude!
E-E-Ev'ry single mornin'
Too much noise, yeah-eah
So I must caffeinate
Ay

I'm, like, who turned up the glow (ay)?
Wasn't just a nap, I was pretty much out cold (yeah-eah)
Know I've got a shift, I don't really wanna go (yeah-eah)
Yes, I need the money but I'm really comfortable
Both my eyes are blinkin', why'd you open up the door (yeah-eah)?
Need some caffeine in my system now, bro (yeah-eah)
I need to wake up and I do mean now, though (yeah-eah)
So that's why I quaff all these cups of brown joe
Cause exercise is crap (yeah-eah), energy is down low
Don't need to drop further (yeah-eah), won't play music loud, no
Won't wake me up, just wait for the outro
Then get back to sleepin' (yeah-eah), I'm just ramblin' now though
Just get me my coffee, my eyelids are droppin' low

I'm sayin' I need my coffee, coffee
Not just to wake up, all of the time drinkin' coffee, yeah-eah
Always imbibin' some coffee, coffee
Never drink it cold, no, I want pipin' hot coffee, yeah-eah
Ev'ry day I'm drinkin' coffee, coffee (drink lots)
I'm not really picky, love all kinds of the coffee, yeah-eah
And there are times drinkin' coffee, coffee (so much)
Wanna fill the pool to (ay) take a dive in the coffee (uh), dumb, I know

A bit addicted to caffeine, I drink therefore I am (lots, so much)
Whether instant like Nescafé (eh) or freshly roasted (eh) crap (eh-eh)
Look, either way, I'll be drinkin' it, gonna take a giant swig (oh)
When the pain starts subsidin' from the (ay) heat, I'll say (yah) "so worth it" (heat pain)
Ten cups a day, that's the max, though (ten cups), cause anymore than that, know (real lame)
Rest of the day I'll stand over (standin') the bog like an asshole (real lame)
Put a crimp in my plans, so (ah yeah) despite how much that I really wanna (lame)
Drink non-stop, can't, though (ay) note I didn't say how big the cups are (ay)

I'm sayin' I love my coffee, coffee
From dawn until dusk, all of the time drinkin' coffee, yeah-eah
Ev'ry week I'm drinkin' coffee, coffee
If you're dumb enough try to hide any coffee, yeah-eah
Just know that I love my coffee, coffee (drink lots)
So much that I tend to (ay) get real violent (ay) for coffee (ay)
Love to imbibe (ay) me some coffee, coffee
Don't give (ay) me any of (ay) that tea shite (ay)

You're like "What about V, though?"
I won't drink that crap (ay) or that Red Bull junk, hell no
Or that Monster shit, energy drinks really blow
To be fair I'm sayin' this implyin' IMO
Don't wake up with that shit, cause for me they don't work, no (real lame)
Know there's caffeine (lame, ay) in there somewhere, huge load (hearsay)
Read that there's enough (say, ay) to be lethal, who knows (hearsay)
If that's based in truth (sa-ay, ay) or if it's a huge load (say, ay)
Of total bullcrap (say, ay), that's how online news goes (ay)
I'm gettin' sidetracked, the main point that you should know
Is that I love java, cups of hot joe (ay)
Why the hell's it called that anyway? Man, who knows (ay)
Who cares? I just want my life fluid to overflow (ay)
What did you say? No? You think I should cut down? How droll
Tempted to jam the kettle right up your asshole
But I won't because (kick your ass) I need that red glow (I need that)
To show the kettle's boilin' wh-wh-when coffee is comin', uh

Need my caffeine
Yeah, made it clear, boy (need my caffeine)
It's the mornin', so I won't drink decaf (need my caffeine)
I need the jolt to bring me joy, so move it (you know that I need my coffee, coffee)
Know my usual? I doubt it
White and two, tastes good, though I bet you would
Have guessed black, that's right, cause I
Don't want bitter crud, huh
It tastes shit, uh, without those additions
Pour up

True story: that is how I have my coffee, though I don't have ten cups a day (only five, sometimes six). I'm also not actually a fan of coffeehouse roasted coffee, mainly because the foam tends to cancel out the sugar so it ends up tasting too bitter.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   3
 3
 3
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Abbott Skelding - May 07, 2016 - Report this comment
Never heard the OS before, but this was a fun read. Even though I don't drink coffee (if it tastes anything like it smells, then I'll pass)...this could definitely be an anthem to a few people I know. Nice work!
Matthias - May 08, 2016 - Report this comment
Not bad. I got a little lost matching this up to the OS but I'm sure your pacing is right on the money just rap is always tough to read side by side.
Agrimorfee - May 16, 2016 - Report this comment
You made listening to this OS a little more bearable. Repeating coffee over and over added to the charm where it typically would been a bad parody writing move.
red ant - May 18, 2016 - Report this comment
my first time hraring this os as well... hell of a job matching it.lots of good lines like 'I drink therefore I am' haha5s
Blaydeman - May 19, 2016 - Report this comment
(ABC) Yeah, great job with this OS. Coffee is a perfect topic choice for a ramble-y OS like this. I think you did a really good job with this. I agree with Aggy that repeating coffee a bunch was a funny through-line joke that match a hyped up person on caffeine. Your pacing was great too, it did annoy me however that you used the same words over again to help your rhyming. Using "though" so much bothered me just a little bit because it's one of those add on words you can plug onto any line to make it rhyme. Otherwise, I thoroughly enjoyed this!

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